'Meant to be broken

random photo of me to make the impending chunk of words seem a little less wordy.

just got back from Town + Indochine + poker @woodlands. it's been ages since i last went to a bar? cause it's just all the other usual places. nice atmosphere, even though i don't drink. hurhur.

these days i've been worrying about money. spending too much and earning too little. i need a job. pronto. duffy's expenses, not paid. the jyj money, not transferred. i really need my pay plus a new job. was thinking of supperclub with neobaby, but heard that it'll be kinda tiring?

honestly i don't really know how i feel anymore. it's just hazing through the days? but i pretty much feel fine but i'm afraid to probe deeper, afraid of what i'll find.

other times i find myself wanting to cry after hearing sad songs, but after 5 seconds that was gone too. i'm afraid of losing myself, but turns out i've never really known myself. these past two years or so, it was all about him him him him and more him. wide mixture of emotions, but none of them really for my own good.

did stupid things i'd never care to do again, some of them things i can never take back. it's all an experience, i take it as, but then again, it's these experiences that shape someone.

and so, i'm finding myself again. and i've come to realize that hey, i did have a past before him. and maybe i can learn to live a little better with myself each day, learn to be a little more independent as the days go by.

and soon, you'll be nothing but a distant memory.


x
some things are

'To the left

sometimes not making a choice is already a decision made. i've made mine too; i just hope i'll be able to stick to it.

meanwhile i'll just enjoy myself with my friends and family and not to mention my lil duff puff.

i missed who we were, no matter how fucked up it was, i was certain of the fact that at least we cared for each other, but what is this? what are we? what have we become? the answer 'i don't know' hangs on the both of our lips.

are you thinking of me like how i'm thinking of you? or are you forgetting me like how i'm trying to forget you?

what we are now, is a single comma, a pause hanging in the air.

i miss you, but not who you have become. and i miss us. but perhaps 'we' were another one of my fantasies too.

time to wake up bitch, it's not over till i'm gone.

'3am

been getting headaches like they're free, and this morning wasn't any different. woke up to a pounding head, like those kinds people might have if they'd drunk way over their limit the night before and went to bed drunk, but i didn't. i'd be a tad more willing to bear this if i had, but instead i was doing this:

 

oovoo-ing with @genjifive at 3 am in the morning, 30km away. was testing out the webcam that daddy bought me. he's totally sweet cause he even picked out the design that he thinks that i'll like 'pink with leopard spots', and see it's really the thought that counts.

luv you daddy! hehe

so anyway, i've an exam at 3.45 later on and i feel so darn unprepared. shall go pop a panadol extra and do some more cramming.

oh yeah! i dyed my hair. and my parents haven't noticed the difference. HAHA there IS a difference tho. i'm pretty sure of that. oh well. my mum will probably think that i set out to defy her ways, cause she told me not to go any lighter than my previous hair color, and i did, not to get any other animals and i did, etc.

well i luv you too mummy! hehe

kbye to whoever's reading. <3


xoxo

He said he didn’t want to lose her. She fought back the tears and asked him if he wanted to keep her. To that, he had no response.

 (Source: 365thoughts, via downlovelane)

 

'Pom Pom's Pom.

i think one day, i'll really do something that my parents will kill me for. i really hope not, but i think i've really pushed it this time. definitely.

introducing the newest member of my family!

he doesn't have a name yet, I CAN'T DECIDE! he's a black pom and totally intelligent. he escaped from his pen last night thrice and came trotting over to look for me with a very self satisfied air about him.

Denise kept me company. it was really very coincidental luh! the seller we got him from sold him at a very cheap price, till we suspected that the dog had problems cause it was too cheap. shots all done + microchipping. bought the stuffs necessary blabla. super cute lo! it's damn guai only.

brought him to meet Roy, Wendy, Juncheng and Miffy! they brought her over and we tried to get them to socialize but Miffy was super fierce while (insert dogs name here) was super..... retarded? LOL idk. it just stood there blankly while Miffy was trying to attack it. and it refuses to walk! late bloomer i suppose.

i really hope this dog will be super obedient and stuff. and i hope it'll be a positive change in our lives?

okay i've really got to go sleep. exam later! goodnight <:

xx