new

i have moved people! or whoever reads my blog. http://johannaevangeline.blogspot.com 

there, visit it. and click on the ads while you're at it pretty please! :D used my entire name cause i think my name is cool like that, and etjy sounds alienish HAAHAH and it shall only be saved for facebook. 'ta!

'Long since

two photos of my beloved duffypuff! i love him to the max max max max maximum to infinity and beyond!

anyway, it's been long since i last blogged. quite a lot happened, and yet it feels like nothing much did? photos shall be uploaded very very soon. (i'm so tempted to put duffy's photo as my blog header picture)

urg today's a friday night and i have no idea where to go cause ONE, no phone line. TWO no money THREE (and biggest reason of all) too lazy.

am craving for a lot of food, but due to my current diet plan = (two meals a day, no food after 9pm, no junk food (pretty normal diet nothing too difficult), and more exercise (anybody?)) hope i can at least become a lil bit skinnier?

been attending school recently and it's kinda tiring. LOL. assignments piling up, one due in like 6 days time. JOHHHHHHH go do them shitass assignments!

okay i'm tired. goodnight!


xoxo

i think of independence and i grow afraid
i think of growing up and i'm get even more anxious.

i wish time would just stop. just freaking stop.

'I don't know.

it's 3.43 am, and i'm gonna blog about the hectic weekend i had.(okay from saturday afternoon onwards.)

reached home from M'sia after that random roadtrip, and skipped going to the airport to fetch the boys. wah, trust me, my heart was totally there all the way. when Maomao called me and told me about how she say Jaejoong right infront of her ..... !!!!!!!!! omg i nearly screamed.

rushed home after a few hours and got scolded by the parents for several reasons i will not mention, and headed over to Expo! Maomao didn't recognize me at first lo! and same went for me. (we only saw each other once, like don't know how many years ago! so forgivable la huh.)

went in after awhile, and it was f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c! admittedly, there were some flaws, like the lateness (not that i minded, cause i was really late too HAHA), some cock up in the VIP side (heard after the showcase), and nonsense rambling from the host (on hindsight i guess it was nervousness that caused him to keep rambling on to no end). he said some really..... inappropriate things? like referring to dongbang. but again, i think he was too nervous?

Maomao and i were wondering if we should stalk them after, and in the end we did! ran to the back of the place and attempted to talk to the uncles. HAHA i have too much courage in such nonsense matters i think. joined a couple of random fans in their maxi cab super excitedly!

it was pretty disappointing tho, cause the boys headed straight to the hotel after and didn't go out to eat as we hoped. after lurking around the hotel for what seemed like forever, we all decided to give up and split. headed to v3 after.

overslept, and rushed home to get the stuff that i wanted to pass to them (just a photo postcard), and headed to the airport. once again, didn't manage to see them ): was really disappointed, but on the bright side, Maomao and i managed to speak to one of their dancers when they went out to smoke! ^^ passed him our letters (i only knew how to say 'kamsahamnida!' and bow, but Mm was reallllllly fluent).

totally motivated to learn Korean huh!! HAHA headed to the viewing gallery after and watched the planes fly pass and waved goodbye to them one by one cause we didn't know which airplane was theirs! ><

trust me, i'm not really a fan girl, except when it comes to them. them and no one else! they bring out the girl in me, like totally. can you believe i actually SCREAMED?! LMFAO. like really went 'AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! JAEJOOOOONG!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! JUNSUUUUUUUU!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOOCHUN!!!!!!!' -.- sibei embarrassing but whatever. hehehehehe.

camwhored with Maomao. here are some of the photos!

it's really totally annoying when you see bystanders/passerbys in the background of your photo. -.- it's like ..... 'HOW TO PHOTOSHOP YOU OUT!?!?!?!?!' -.- 

anyway, i've got to do my stuff and what not. urg.


ttfn!


xoxo

ps: today, is our 2nd year together. so much has happened, so much has changed. what's gonna happen from here, i've no idea. so torn, but ima take it one step at a time. 

take my hand, Lord. 

 

'J/Y/J

i'm finally home, in my airconditioned room, using my own laptop, playing with my duffy. (missed him so so much!)

it feels like i've went for a long trip or something; this weekend was hectic to the max. with that random one day roadtrip to m'sia that ended only the next day, and rushing for the JYJ fanmeeting and chasing them around, hoping to catch a glimpse of them.

thought longingly of my bed (and duffy) the whole time, and finally I AM HERE. hee hee hee hee hee. 

anyway i'll definitely blog more about these two events, with loads of photos! till then,

xoxo

'Meant to be broken

random photo of me to make the impending chunk of words seem a little less wordy.

just got back from Town + Indochine + poker @woodlands. it's been ages since i last went to a bar? cause it's just all the other usual places. nice atmosphere, even though i don't drink. hurhur.

these days i've been worrying about money. spending too much and earning too little. i need a job. pronto. duffy's expenses, not paid. the jyj money, not transferred. i really need my pay plus a new job. was thinking of supperclub with neobaby, but heard that it'll be kinda tiring?

honestly i don't really know how i feel anymore. it's just hazing through the days? but i pretty much feel fine but i'm afraid to probe deeper, afraid of what i'll find.

other times i find myself wanting to cry after hearing sad songs, but after 5 seconds that was gone too. i'm afraid of losing myself, but turns out i've never really known myself. these past two years or so, it was all about him him him him and more him. wide mixture of emotions, but none of them really for my own good.

did stupid things i'd never care to do again, some of them things i can never take back. it's all an experience, i take it as, but then again, it's these experiences that shape someone.

and so, i'm finding myself again. and i've come to realize that hey, i did have a past before him. and maybe i can learn to live a little better with myself each day, learn to be a little more independent as the days go by.

and soon, you'll be nothing but a distant memory.


x
some things are

'To the left

sometimes not making a choice is already a decision made. i've made mine too; i just hope i'll be able to stick to it.

meanwhile i'll just enjoy myself with my friends and family and not to mention my lil duff puff.

i missed who we were, no matter how fucked up it was, i was certain of the fact that at least we cared for each other, but what is this? what are we? what have we become? the answer 'i don't know' hangs on the both of our lips.

are you thinking of me like how i'm thinking of you? or are you forgetting me like how i'm trying to forget you?

what we are now, is a single comma, a pause hanging in the air.

i miss you, but not who you have become. and i miss us. but perhaps 'we' were another one of my fantasies too.

time to wake up bitch, it's not over till i'm gone.

'3am

been getting headaches like they're free, and this morning wasn't any different. woke up to a pounding head, like those kinds people might have if they'd drunk way over their limit the night before and went to bed drunk, but i didn't. i'd be a tad more willing to bear this if i had, but instead i was doing this:

 

oovoo-ing with @genjifive at 3 am in the morning, 30km away. was testing out the webcam that daddy bought me. he's totally sweet cause he even picked out the design that he thinks that i'll like 'pink with leopard spots', and see it's really the thought that counts.

luv you daddy! hehe

so anyway, i've an exam at 3.45 later on and i feel so darn unprepared. shall go pop a panadol extra and do some more cramming.

oh yeah! i dyed my hair. and my parents haven't noticed the difference. HAHA there IS a difference tho. i'm pretty sure of that. oh well. my mum will probably think that i set out to defy her ways, cause she told me not to go any lighter than my previous hair color, and i did, not to get any other animals and i did, etc.

well i luv you too mummy! hehe

kbye to whoever's reading. <3


xoxo

He said he didn’t want to lose her. She fought back the tears and asked him if he wanted to keep her. To that, he had no response.

 (Source: 365thoughts, via downlovelane)

 

'Pom Pom's Pom.

i think one day, i'll really do something that my parents will kill me for. i really hope not, but i think i've really pushed it this time. definitely.

introducing the newest member of my family!

he doesn't have a name yet, I CAN'T DECIDE! he's a black pom and totally intelligent. he escaped from his pen last night thrice and came trotting over to look for me with a very self satisfied air about him.

Denise kept me company. it was really very coincidental luh! the seller we got him from sold him at a very cheap price, till we suspected that the dog had problems cause it was too cheap. shots all done + microchipping. bought the stuffs necessary blabla. super cute lo! it's damn guai only.

brought him to meet Roy, Wendy, Juncheng and Miffy! they brought her over and we tried to get them to socialize but Miffy was super fierce while (insert dogs name here) was super..... retarded? LOL idk. it just stood there blankly while Miffy was trying to attack it. and it refuses to walk! late bloomer i suppose.

i really hope this dog will be super obedient and stuff. and i hope it'll be a positive change in our lives?

okay i've really got to go sleep. exam later! goodnight <:

xx

'Go away.

removed my tagboard because it has way too many spammers. and when i mean spammers i mean the kind who goes 'hi nice blog/please blog more on such topics/can we be a friend/wanna take nude photos' etc.

took it off so it'll be much more difficult for those asshats to spam. am aware it's much harder for non-spammers to comment too, but please understand that you can always just click 'comment' below my posts if you really have something to say. i usually don't have many people commenting tho.

anyway, i've been feeling unwell for what seems like ever. gonna go rest somemore. (saturday night and i'm at home)

urg feeling f annoyed at him again. like wtf is your problem la. fuck. fei hua lian pian/tian. don't need you here if you don't want to be.

x

i think it's true. you'll only know as much of the next person you meet, as what they're willing to let you know.

'Hold on

 

photos from when Cyn and i went out the other day to catch a movie 'Going the Distance', starring Justin Long, Drew Barrymore and Cristina Applegate. thought it was really nice, though a little unrealistic? i guess to me relationships aren't really easy not to mention long distance ones. but then again, i have trust issues. so..... shrugs*

really need to get a decent camera. haven't taken photos in such a long while, save for the occasional camwhoring moments in toilets and what not.

think i'm falling sick. sleep isn't restful at all and i toss and turn aimlessly while dreaming of things that are lurking around in my subconscious. my throat hurts and my head feels heavy plus the bones in my body are killing me. i hate falling sick. and friends have been telling me 'you're always sick one la'. -.-

need some good websites to download songs. laptop got reformatted and it's so much faster and there's so much more memory space. (Y) absolute love.

shall go get some more rest before i meet Binghui later on. and maybe Cyn for some partying? i'm aware i need to study but i think what my body really needs is to go out. apparently i'm the kind of person who falls sick from staying at home. is there such a syndrome?

ttfn!


xoxo

ps: i don't know who i've become. 

'Riseup.

overnight i've become a vessel for should be secrets, and i'm torn between making the right choices or leaving bad decisions where they lie.

this song, i've played it on repeat cause i know you'd be listening to it too, one way or the other. but then i realize; this action ceased it's meaning long ago.

is it alright to continue doing things that go against your conscience as long as the truth isn't out? after all who would it hurt if ignorance is bliss?

this doesn't even begin to cover what's going on in my head right now. but i'm not unhappy, far from it. i'm great. but what would great mean without someone to share it with? nothing. then again, it could mean everything.

'Linking up.

i thought you were different, i really thought you were. i could be wrong, but then again, what the hell are the chances?

people really shouldn't wonder if i turn into even more of a cynical bitch than i already am.

one day down, thirteen more to go.

'According to you.

according to you i'm stupid, i'm useless i can't do anything right/ according to you i'm difficult, hard to please forever changing my mind/ but according to him, i'm beautiful incredible, he can't get me out of his head/ according to him i'm funny, irresistible everything he ever wanted

everything is opposite, i don't feel like stopping it/ so baby tell me what i've got to lose/ he's into me for everything i'm not/ according to you 

so baby, tell me what i've got to lose?

 

'Photos photos photos

webcamming with Whb! obviously that's not her. and she took this at the same time! just that i didn't know it till she tagged this photo of me on facebook.

oh yeah, meet my new fringe. 

i've received a lot of comments about it. the bad ones being really bad and the good ones being..... okay? for example: 

the bad: 

Aldrin: Joh, you look like crap. 

Mingkang Cho: your bangs cmi la! it makes you look fat/ter. (and some other remarks that i refuse to publish here) 

: why does your face look so crumpled? (whereby darren kept laughing and went 'hahaha wtf crumpled face') 

: it's not even straight! ( i think this comment came from him but i can't really remember. but since he said so much anyway i'll just add it on his list.) 

Juncheng + John: it looks a bit weird. 

 Matt: (okay he didn't really say anything bad but over all whatever he teased me about wasn't good either)

Hongguo: 'i can't tahan your bangs anymore' and proceeded to close the videocall (when i forced him to webcam with me so that i can show him my fringe the other night)

Erkan: i prefer your previous one, but this one is okay too.

the neutral: 

Darren: you look like a cat. (wtf?) 

Karen: not much of a difference. 

the good (almost everybody uses the word cute): 

A: bangs girl! (though he says it looks the same, i think he secretly thinks it looks cute. LOL. so i don't care i'm putting it here.) /Hana hana cute la cute la!

A's mum: yes it's nice! you look cute. 

My mum and dad: anyway also nice one la. but this one cute. (hahahaha i'm totally making what they said sound nicer) 

Cyn: you look cute today! 

Huishan: it's about the same but with this one you look cuter. 

Whb: you look nicer/cuter! (can't remember) 

Denise: omg joh you look so cute! you look very different leh! (she was the one who went with me to get my hair cut) 

Jass: you look cute la (: 

okay can't quite remember who else commented? but oh well. i like this cut cause it looks different? haven't changed much of my hairstyle in forever, mainly because i'm still waiting for it to grow to my desired length? and my hair takes forever to grow. 

i can't believe i actually took the time to type all of this out. goes to show how bored i am. urggggg i hate having no cash and having to stay at home. on the bright side, say yay to tomorrow! because it's pay day and allowance day! jumps in glee* 

alright, anyway, about that matter. i found out that he was lying to me a lot. and i don't think i can trust him very much now, and he deserves it. however, this is his last chance. i'm sick of all of the lies, but yesterday was one of the only few times that we sat down and really talked about it calmly without either of us blowing up. i know i've said it too many times before that i'm gonna break up with him, and that i'm sick of him and that blablabla. and i know the previous time with the other girls i told him that he's not supposed to give me anymore nonsense. but before i spoke to him about it, i told myself that if we can work things out then okay, we'll have another go at this relationship. but if not then its bye-bye for us. now that we've more or less settled it, he's gonna have to work extra hard to regain my trust? idk. i'm just gonna give him the benefit of the doubt again for one last time. 

meanwhile, i've got his gold medal with me. if he does anything wrong again i'll throw it in his face. that thing's real heavy for something that's fake gold (hahahahaha) so it'll really hurt. plus the size of his head is so damn big it'll be so hard to miss. ha ha ha. 

alright, imma go webcam with some other people and maybe pack my room a bit. 

ttfn! 

xx

'Liar.

i don't know what to say.

'the other friend.

okay so what's up with the 'boyfriends aren't allowed to have purely platonic girl friends' kinda thing? i've been hearing way too much from friends complaining about how their significant other is flat out against their mixing with people from the other gender, no matter the social situation.

i know it sounds like crap coming from me, because i've ever used the 'i don't want you to talk to her. if i find out about any nonsense again, you'll find out what i can do. try me' kind of thing. and i kind of regret it. not because i don't like living in peace and not having to worry, but because i hate having to resort to these kinda methods to get my point across. i'm the kind of girl that's all for people having friends, be it of the opposite sex or not. i hate restrictions and i hate having to put my foot down because i don't feel comfortable with the situation, and i hate it being applied to me (trust me, i know.)

however, there's a difference between 'friends who have something going on', and 'purely friends'. i mean come on. surely you can tell the difference? and that's not all. i've noticed that a lot of girls go hating on the girl-friend of their boyfriends, and going all bitchy and hateful. what the hell is up with that?! it really irks me when i hear of such cases, because EH HELLO SHE'S NOT INTERESTED LA. FUCK OFF. and you seriously can't just blame the girl when the whole 'more than friends' thing appears. because it takes to fucking hands to clap! although it is her fault (if it happens) for being totally thick skinned and desperate for fishing around in other peoples ponds/oceans/rivers whatever.

okay in the defense of the jealous, over-protective and paranoid girlfriend, i have to admit that it's highly uncomfortable when you see your boyfriend in such close proximity with a girl friend of his whom he just says is his friend but he keeps hanging around with. you wonder if they're really all he says he is, especially after you find out that he's lying about it time and time again. like that how to trust? if you guys are only friends then you lie so much for fuck? just friends then just come out and admit whatever you're doing ma. so sneaky for what?

ya so boyfriends out there. you better fucking make sure that you don't lie to your girlfriends about such stuff. it's really damn sensitive because it involves other girls. like hello imagine if that's happening to you! you can't expect your girlfriend to be all nonchalant about it right? if she is then either she's super confident of herself or she doesn't give a shit or she really trusts you to the max. (but seriously no such thing la) don't wait till all these shit happen then you start complaining that your girlfriend is a naggy bitch who doesn't trust you. you're the one who started it.

okay and as for the girlfriends. seriously you can't go all out of your way to make your boyfriend's life miserable just because you don't trust him. yes maybe sometimes he's the hardest person to trust, but take a look at yourself, are you that trustworthy? (i'm saying it in a very general way. not pin pointing anybody.) you can't exactly control him. you want something that listens to you most of the time? then get a dog la. for what get a boyfriend and try to keep him on a fucking short leash? he'll be miserable lor. (this is from personal experience. my opinion.)

trust goes two ways. it's very very easy to say that you trust someone, but it's like building a sandcastle. one wash of the waves and it's already half gone. what you need is a brick solid foundation that can build you a real castle, but that only comes by serious effort and earning that kind of trust. rome wasn't built in a day. neither should you expect your other half to give you the full trust. there're too many people out there who misuse trust and give others a bad name. but then again, it might be yourself who's making it so difficult.

 my stand on the whole girlfriend with boy friends and boyfriends with girl friends thing is that you've got to know your limits and draw the line super clearly where it might go blurred. those girl-friends/boy-friends have got to be more conscious of how their actions affect the couple and the boyfriend/girlfriend must know that once you have a girlfriend you have to think for your other half and put yourself into their shoes. likewise, so must the overly paranoid girlfriend/boyfriend. if he/she says that they're just friends/that they don't have anything going on, and the situations in which they see each other in are all surrounded by other friends blabla, then just relax la! why not make friends with the other girl to see how she's like rather than going all paranoid and hateful. which is totally retarded. often enough you'll get to see that the situation isn't what you think it is.

plus you can't take away a persons rights to having friends. you rather he/she lie to you or tell you openly? there's a reason why he's with you and not her. right?

okay, long and extremely wordy post on this matter, and there's that whole other side of issues that i haven't blogged about. i've a project to rush and trash from macdonalds to throw out, so ttfn!


xoxo

'La Pute

this random dude/chick added me on facebook. we have no mutual friends, and we don't even share the same country/region.

he added me and sent me a fb message:

didn't know what 'la pute' meant, and went to google it. and apparently it means whore. -.- thought it might mean sth nice like pretty somemore lor. fucker.

showed A what that asshole sent me and i replied this:

LOL. the knn ccb blabla parts were added by A cause he said that we should show some other languages. HAHA. wanted to add more but A actually reminded me about KARMA. omg.

like he's the one who's always scolding others who don't deserve it and now he's all about karma? nonsense. ha.

had another tiff with him. and he's got me all riled up. hope things will be okay though.


kay off! tata.


xoxo

'Crabs bite.

i should really start taking more photos to post up on this space of mine. it's becoming as barren as a woman after menopause.

okay that's kinda mean. >: but you get my point.

i'm kinda worrying for my career as a student in MDIS. :O !!!!!

on a side note: went to eat crabs with A and Jialuo. it was goooooooood. especially the butter one. my crab shells were like super little cause i kept eating the shells even though A told me not to. cause supposedly it's unhealthy? but i can't figure out why it's unhealthy. okay maybe i should google. cause i've always assumed that shells were always filled with protein or some shit like that. -.-

kay my boyfriend is missing. asshole. byebye hehe.



xoxo

'Straight from the heart.

just gonna stand there and watch me burn, 
but that's all right because i like the way it hurts,
just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
but that's all right because i love the way you lie, i love the way you lie.

 don't quite understand how someone can love how their lover lies, cause it's one of the worst things to feel, having your trust ripped to pieces bit by bit.

slipping away, and you try to grab hold but you grasp something that's the end of your relationship and yet you can't find the strength to let it go and the words to make love stay.

not being able to understand, what went wrong, and to be kept in the dark. little hurts more than finding out the ugly truth, and the green eyed monster rearing it's head and yet you can't do anything to stop it cause you're powerless.

living your life in misery without the person, or move on and find new happiness? the worst thing is that the decision might be to be miserable with the person, than happy without, cause you can't imagine doing without. not ever.

sometimes bearing your soul can be the hardest thing to do, especially to someone who might take your heart and break it into little little pieces. being vulnerable scares me the most, and yet you'd choose to do it every single time, in the hopes that he/she would finally understand what you're going through, and how his/her actions are killing you.

each time you'd want to hear how he/she felt, and there'd be nothing but stone cold silence, or a riddle of words that'll leave you feeling more confused than ever. how are you supposed to know if he/she doesn't speak? probably you'd hate to ask and pry but otherwise you'll never know.

and the thing you're risking your happiness for is the what if. the 'what-if' that happens whenever you wanna walk away. 'what if i'm making the biggest mistake of my life by walking away from the person who knows me the best?' and then you stop.

just watch me burn, baby.

'Hey mr

made a meal for A and his campmate. poor innocent friend of his had to eat my linguine with white cream sauce plus mushrooms with cheese sausage plus campbell soup.

but it was not bad, if i say so myself.

been watching gossip girl season 3 and i'm becoming immersed in it as usual. i've no idea why i tend to get too caught up in books/shows, and becoming like them.

wonder why there can be so so many secrets kept in gossip girl! like..... urg. head hurts just watching it some times. totally hate how people can be so secretive? or maybe that's just me.

bet i wouldn't last a day in gossip girl world. tho it'd be damn cool to be able to spend that much.

kay rambling bye!


xoxo

ps: andB? i don't know if handcuffs are a good idea for a first date. 

HAHAHA

'distance

am feeling a tad weird, like i'm readjusting to something that i've been living without. and apparently i have been.

wd says i'm feeling weird because i'm insecure? and maybe i am. but i'd rather be feeling this way than all up in bliss and not knowing a thing. add that one issue to the pile of 'joh's issues' then.

thing is, i heard all that you've to say, that things aren't necessarily how they are, but face the fact baby, it's like butter and margarine cause technically things are kinda the same. (okay that sounded better in my head)

we've agreed that it's like a can't live with can't live without kinda thing. we get irritated and quarrelsome when we're together but when we're apart it's like there's a part of us missing.

i just need that..... assurance. you know? that no one else can ever take this away.

but then again, sometimes i wonder if we aren't just throwing this down the drain ourselves.

urg i hate relationships.

sheldon cooper ftw!!!!! totally love him. hehe



xoxo

ps: banned from clubs/pubs/thai discos. you'll never catch me sucker.

maybe we're better off this way.

'A

beautiful girls all over the world, i could be chasing but my time would be wasted, they've got nothing on you baby, nothing on you baby.

this song/sentence is running itself stupid in my mind, and i've come to realize that i've an auto correct thingy for songs like such, with the 'they've' instead of they and so on and so forth.

was supposed to get an mc with Juncheng earlier on, but i woke up late? and the polyclinic was c l o s e d. fyi people it closes at 4.15 pm (registration) instead of 5 like we originally thought. went to Aldrin's to meet the rest and had some impromptu mahjong after a session of webcamming. headed to play basketball where we proceeded to get screened and went to eat and then home.

tomorrow's gonna be a hell of a long day, with school + project + work + club with Huishan and her friends. hope it's gonna be damn fun cause i kinda need the releasing of stress. hehe can't wait!

urg gotta catch some shut eye like soon, but i'm so damn awake!!!!! nooooo. okie shall go naozxzxzx.



xoxo

ps: it's my choice. but don't you realize it's never ever up to me? i want it all or nothing at all.

'Giving up.

currently at Aldrin's, using the com + rock band.

thought a lot about things, and finally there is a conclusion.

seriously, don't fucking regret anything that you do. i've said it once, twice and over and over again but it's just like screaming into the wind.

you aren't worth whatever i thought you were.


i'm still waiting - hg.

seriously. i'm totally fine with two people of the opposite gender being friends, but this is really fucking ridiculous.

universal studios? seriously?!

'Taking it back

i just really don't wanna hurt anymore.

i wish i can forget every single thing that happened, every single memory we shared during these 20 months together.

i wish i never believed what you said, wish i never gave in when we broke up for good. wish i never believed you when you said that you'll change and sort out our problems.

i wish i never met you. cause now my heart hurts so badly i just wanna curl up somewhere and die.

a part of me already is.

'Diary

What did Octopus Paul predicted for you?

"You will catch your partner cheating!"

.:

an app on facebook. how..... accurate? 

i don't know how to face myself anymore. you make me feel so fucking worthless. 

thank you to the friends i have with me, esp xm who sent me home just now. thank you very very much.

sometimes its too late when you say you wanna turn back.

i just don't understand how you can expect someone to love you for every single hurting thing you do, especially when it hurts to the fucking core. 

leaving things be might soothe things, but then again this is killing whatever i have left for us. 

i don't expect much, not the way you think i do. if you think you won't ever lose me, think again. now, these might all be words, but someday you might turn around and find out that i'm no longer trying to catch up with your footsteps. 


really, i don't know why so much happiness and sadness can be put into this relationship. 

neither do i understand why we can't talk about us and settle things properly. i'm only repeating all these words because you wouldn't take the time to listen. and isn't it easier to just either figure out what we must do to avoid going in such circles, or just end it? that has always been my perspective; that there's no point running away.


and i'm talking as if he'll know this. damn ironic that the possibility of this being read by everyone in this world is so much higher than the person it was actually meant for. 


i wish i can read your mind. though i think i'd pretty much not enjoy the things i'd see. 




hello, girl living in misery here. HAHA




ps: all relationships are the same when it comes right down to it. seen too many people get broken down recently. but then again, if there're no cracks, how does the light get in?

'indiscretion

i wish this icky feeling in my stomach will just go away.

'Show you the ropes

today was a tiring day, so was yesterday. in fact the entire week drained me out. i'm feeling like a granny today cause i feel so so tired. four and a half hours of sleep is not enough.

dragged myself to school, then vivo after with two classmates and then dinner with my parents followed by stocking up of stuff.

i'm kinda surprised that i made friends in this class tho. thought i'd be the loner girl blabla, okay actually i kinda still am but it's getting better. HAHA eh it's hard fitting into a class where everybody already knew each other for months before okay! defensive*

kinda rambling on, oh i saw a little boy roll down a fake hill today. yknow the ones at vivo? HAHA reminded me of Mk and the rolling down the slope incident.

anwz i really wanna get plastic surgery. change this face of mine hehe. i know people will judge, and i know people will try to dissuade me, but it's really something i've been wanting to do since forever. there's nothing wrong with wanting to look a lil prettier at least k?

k i'm off to do whatever plus tidy my room. i kinda want a quiet weekend with mahjong and friends, that's all. some quiet time. HAHA

oh, and i have a really pretty classmate.

xoxo

'Baby let me love you down

changed my blog layout yet again. this time it's in a default layout but with minor tweaks and additions to it. kinda luv blogger now cause it's really convenient and pretty!

had a great night last night, and spain v germany 1-0! conflicting sides could sense people giving me weird looks cause when they ask 'who're you supporting?' but i'd say 'Germany!' and when Spain nearly scores/scores i'd be damn happy. HAHA

i miss mahjonging. and i've really got to start going to school.

crappppz! hehe going to hunt for soup. omg my appetite is O.O



xoxo

ps: i really really want a car. 

'GOALLLLLLLLL!

changed my blog layout but it's currently pissing me off and the match has started. hehe very hopeful! <:

shall create a formspring. inspired by @cynthianeo_xr ! kkay byez!


xoxo

ps: Holland 1 - Uruguay 0

'When I grow up.

i'm wondering what i'm gonna do in the future. when i was younger, the visions i used to see when someone asked 'what do you wanna be when you grow up?' was of different things. now, it's more materialistic, but with major touches of fantasies of course. (cause that's the way i am)

i think i wanna be/do too many things. and the funny thing is, i always see myself alone in these fantasies. maybe it's cause i'm not the type to settle down so quickly, though i've been in a shitass long relationship (for me and him, both). or maybe i've realized since young that you have to sacrifice somethings in order to gain other things.

i just wonder how much i'd be willing to give up in order to achieve what i want.

contemplative mode much?



x

 

'Navy Open House 2010

am finally done with uploading of photos for Navy Open House 2010. i did try to upload it earlier but everything just went blank so i am hoping that it wouldn't do the same when i try to edit this. 

went there with Benji + George. and there're photos of me, but i look like shit in them so i'm not gonna put any up. hehe nut looks so cute in these photos! so does George. hahahaha

anyway, school later on at 3.30pm and Zouk after that? but i need to catch some shut eye; hardly slept at all last night. 

and i'm so sad because my favourite herbal soup stall apparently closed down. like 30th June was their last day of business. and i wasn't there to drink their soup. >: 

depressing way to start the day actually, though i do hope that it will be good from now on. after my sleep. it shall be a good day! <: 

it'll be great if i wake up at 12 and there's soup right in front of me to drink. HAHA. (Y) 

asked A, 'would you do anything if i went for plastic surgery?' 

and he replied with a 'i don't think i'll recognize you.' blabla 'no i won't. what can i do? but i don't understand why you like to be fake.' (obviously he means like fake eyelashes, extensions, makeup etc.) but if there's a chance to actually do something to myself to make me prettier, i figure why not? 

for me it's not about how people look at me and whether they think i look good or not, though that part does count for something. it's more of the 'look into the mirror and liking what i see' kinda thing. but somehow i'm thinking about it like how it'd affect my personal life and stuff. cause i don't think many of my friends will approve? 

nvmz save money then say.

nights! 

xoxo

ps: i should be born korean.