zirca > to rebel.
not a bad night at all. some dude kinda turned me off though.
single life ain't bad at all, though it sucks when i see..... and it's like 'ignore ignore' chanting.
yes i'm blogging. :D
at __________'s place now. and.. HAHA. i spied something and i immediately shouted 'KNN!' and it was followed by
'i'm not happy"))))):
but seriously i hate feeling jealous or anything, or like strong emotions. much rather i can't feel anything, though i'm slowlyyyyyy slowlyyyyy not feeling anything already.
feels damn weird when i see him trying to chase other girls. damn weird. and kind of rolls eyes* inducing
okay im quite high still hahahahaha
okay shut up.
anyway saw this guy i spotted at cine the other day at rebel! he's quite hot actually. hehe
kay go already pictures up soonly!
xoxo
green eyed
ps: what's this i hear about you?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Bec's over here atm, and she's using my sewing machine.
made a bodycon skirt and just finished a crop top. hehe but i've no idea if i'll dare to wear the cropped top out. quite simple to make though.
kay off to make my vest. -.- bored bored bored bored bored.
feel like chewing on things but i'm supposed to be on a diet! ..... ):
xoxo
edited:
super last minute invite to club. Y.A.Y!plus confirm can get in and don't need ic. :D
made a bodycon skirt and just finished a crop top. hehe but i've no idea if i'll dare to wear the cropped top out. quite simple to make though.
kay off to make my vest. -.- bored bored bored bored bored.
feel like chewing on things but i'm supposed to be on a diet! ..... ):
xoxo
edited:
super last minute invite to club. Y.A.Y!plus confirm can get in and don't need ic. :D
Friday, August 28, 2009
gonna be a no life and be stuck at home today!
didn't go movie with Jc and co, neither did i go out with Cyn.....luckily i think Binghui is coming over to keep me company later, so at least i won't be too bored!
hehe though i'm supposed to be doing my skirt and cropped top and all, bought some cloth yesterday.
reason why i'm not stepping out = no money. -..-
though i don't think i'm going for the buffet thing already, but still no moneyyyyy! >:[
okay enough of whining. actually i don't really feel like going out either. hehe.
shall go heat up my pasta. but i'm supposed to be on a diet! HAHA. goal of 40kg..... need to gym and swim and all.
kay bbye!
xoxo
ps: i'm afraid i'll make the wrong choice.
didn't go movie with Jc and co, neither did i go out with Cyn.....luckily i think Binghui is coming over to keep me company later, so at least i won't be too bored!
hehe though i'm supposed to be doing my skirt and cropped top and all, bought some cloth yesterday.
reason why i'm not stepping out = no money. -..-
though i don't think i'm going for the buffet thing already, but still no moneyyyyy! >:[
okay enough of whining. actually i don't really feel like going out either. hehe.
shall go heat up my pasta. but i'm supposed to be on a diet! HAHA. goal of 40kg..... need to gym and swim and all.
kay bbye!
xoxo
ps: i'm afraid i'll make the wrong choice.
grin and bear it
oh my. amazingly enough blogger works fine at Bec's. maybe it's really my computer that's been acting up >:[ feel like such a traitor for wanting to switch lappies, it's been through so much with meeeeee! HAHA.
but i really want a new one that has a in-built webcam and i sound like those super lag people.....
lol! i don't know what's my problem.
anyway, diet plan probably going to fail; waited till nine to go get my breakfast from the Kopitiam at R.plaza, and went to sleep straight after. met Bec at Chinatown. got cloth and studs and stuff, and we ate guo tie and ban mian and ice kosong. tskkkkkkk. and the guo ties are really super nice! much better than HK Cafe types.
told Bec it's a pity A and i weren't together else i'd have bought some for him another time and surprised him with it since he doesn't like spring onions and all, but idk why he likes to eat guo tie since they're filled with it.
okay shut up.
brrrr freezing and Bec is so comfortable beside me and i think it's like raining. maybe Gym tomorrow with her and Joel? DIET PLAN! plus i wanna go swimming, but i don't wanna swim in public and i don't wanna tan, so one good solution is to swim at night, but tried that with Eve and it was damn scary!
kept having those 'things are going to pull me downnnnnn!!' feeling. and didn't really dare to swim much. Especially with it being the Seventh Month now. ><
wha lao and they totally shouldn't play advertisements for the ghost shows lor. knn damn scary. esp at night wtf creepyyyyy.
anyway, didn't go to celebrate Junren's birthday just now, sorrrrry! though i don't think he'll see it. problem with being underage and all you see. so ma fannnnnn.
oh ya Cyn owes me a movie too! so hopefully can meet her and watch. :D
kay go le. bbyezz! HAHA.
photos soon.
xoxo
hi,goodbye
ps: how i wonder what you are.
but i really want a new one that has a in-built webcam and i sound like those super lag people.....
lol! i don't know what's my problem.
anyway, diet plan probably going to fail; waited till nine to go get my breakfast from the Kopitiam at R.plaza, and went to sleep straight after. met Bec at Chinatown. got cloth and studs and stuff, and we ate guo tie and ban mian and ice kosong. tskkkkkkk. and the guo ties are really super nice! much better than HK Cafe types.
told Bec it's a pity A and i weren't together else i'd have bought some for him another time and surprised him with it since he doesn't like spring onions and all, but idk why he likes to eat guo tie since they're filled with it.
okay shut up.
brrrr freezing and Bec is so comfortable beside me and i think it's like raining. maybe Gym tomorrow with her and Joel? DIET PLAN! plus i wanna go swimming, but i don't wanna swim in public and i don't wanna tan, so one good solution is to swim at night, but tried that with Eve and it was damn scary!
kept having those 'things are going to pull me downnnnnn!!' feeling. and didn't really dare to swim much. Especially with it being the Seventh Month now. ><
wha lao and they totally shouldn't play advertisements for the ghost shows lor. knn damn scary. esp at night wtf creepyyyyy.
anyway, didn't go to celebrate Junren's birthday just now, sorrrrry! though i don't think he'll see it. problem with being underage and all you see. so ma fannnnnn.
oh ya Cyn owes me a movie too! so hopefully can meet her and watch. :D
kay go le. bbyezz! HAHA.
photos soon.
xoxo
hi,goodbye
ps: how i wonder what you are.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
for Bh.
to one of my dearests:
hiiiiii luv!
i hope you'll take in mind what i'm writing down here, because it's important! and you should really read it what i write, plus it's sweet and all so be honored that this post is for you alright!
anyway, thanks for always being there for me, regardless of how busy you are, and for always saying that i brighten up your day and that i make you happy!
but the thing is dear, that i'll get worried for you too cause you're one of my closest friends, and i know you're always up to your neck in shit that i can't help you clear. and well, you've got to take good care of yourself in order to take care of others! like what i just told you.
and i know you wanna take care of me and everyone else, but seriously, you've got to care about your own needs first, and just relaaaaaaaaaax. cause i can take care of myself, and i'm sure the rest can too!
thanks for being one of my bests, and i know you know who you are cause i told you to read my blog. anyway, i luv you dear! so always remember that i'm here for you no matter what, and you know i am!
luv,
J
hiiiiii luv!
i hope you'll take in mind what i'm writing down here, because it's important! and you should really read it what i write, plus it's sweet and all so be honored that this post is for you alright!
anyway, thanks for always being there for me, regardless of how busy you are, and for always saying that i brighten up your day and that i make you happy!
but the thing is dear, that i'll get worried for you too cause you're one of my closest friends, and i know you're always up to your neck in shit that i can't help you clear. and well, you've got to take good care of yourself in order to take care of others! like what i just told you.
and i know you wanna take care of me and everyone else, but seriously, you've got to care about your own needs first, and just relaaaaaaaaaax. cause i can take care of myself, and i'm sure the rest can too!
thanks for being one of my bests, and i know you know who you are cause i told you to read my blog. anyway, i luv you dear! so always remember that i'm here for you no matter what, and you know i am!
luv,
J
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
don't hate the player, hate the game
Fuck my life.
playing the part of someone who couldn't care less which skirt he's chasing after,
playing the part of a girl who's already moved on.
i can't afford to miss you anymore. can't want to cry at vulnerable times,
can't wish you were here to say you'll always be by my side no matter what. cause i shouldn't have took it for something that's real, shouldn't have believed every inch of it, and swallowed it.
cause he's the sort of guy who takes things up and puts things down easily, the sort who couldn't care less about anything that doesn't affect him. or maybe it was me, who believed about how maybe i was special, at the very least.
don't wanna be the one who's holding on to something once held by the both of us, neither do i want to be the one who's remembering every single thing and accepting things the way it is.
i've seen his true colors.
playing the part of someone who couldn't care less which skirt he's chasing after,
playing the part of a girl who's already moved on.
i can't afford to miss you anymore. can't want to cry at vulnerable times,
can't wish you were here to say you'll always be by my side no matter what. cause i shouldn't have took it for something that's real, shouldn't have believed every inch of it, and swallowed it.
cause he's the sort of guy who takes things up and puts things down easily, the sort who couldn't care less about anything that doesn't affect him. or maybe it was me, who believed about how maybe i was special, at the very least.
don't wanna be the one who's holding on to something once held by the both of us, neither do i want to be the one who's remembering every single thing and accepting things the way it is.
i've seen his true colors.
like you'll never see me again
blogger..... why you fucking me up againnnnnnnnnnnn? i abandoned tumblr for you eh! don't like that ley! >>>:[
o yaaaaaa katherine mcphee's new single is out! and she dyed her hair blonde for the new album.
anyway, shopping today with Cyn darling at FEP. got a pair of shoes that look so pointed i have the urge to kick something to make them blunt, and two tops. many more online stuff, and i do hope that person passes up the MNG blazer. like wtf $28 bucks onlyyyyyyyyy..... cheap cheap!
oh ya and i'm so proud of myself! kept resisting impulse buys..... normally it's just 'grab and go' 'grab and go' without really thinking.
hurhur. wish i were one of those skinny bitches. can't even wear jeans properly w/o being afraid i'll look fat.
okay one photo -..-
i think i'm a lazy bum who can't be bothered to upload anything else. this was with M last Sat? we got eaten alive by mozzies, and i have 20 + bites on my legs though i was wearing stockings. like wtf and now my legs are covered with scars since i couldn't stop scratching on them.
damn horrible.
kay, i'm determined! :D made up my mind to save money and all. and i've that urge to put in my extensions again. I.WANT.LONG.HAIR.DAMN.IT. been whining since a long time ago..... and it's like growing.... so... damnnn... slowly......
Bec's hair is damn long lah! lol. i want kristen stewarts hair! i mean not the black and short one; the long chocolate brown one. damn nice!
luvluv.
anyway, i think i'm like quite over him already. HAHA. still will feel emo shitszx sometimes, but still..... i feel quite contented with my life i think, though it can be better. but i'm not those kind of girls who needs a boyfriend 24/7. i mean yes, it'll be nice. but seriously thinking about all the drama and shit for the past few months, i think i'd rather do without one for now.
anyway it doesn't really matter lah.
kay suddenly feel like eating maggie mee and playing billiard. damnnnn KEEP EATING AND EATING.
oh ya met Joeyzzzzz just now at Sengkang CC > R.Plaza. amazing the bond after all these years. HAHA she's a person i'd rather do with then do without! though i know i've always made her angry and all. awwwwww ><
and we were damn aunty, cause mac closed at 11 pm for some reason today, and there were a lot of people inside when the lights started switching off. then i looked at her and she looked at me..... then immediately she rushed out to book place so we can sit. hurhur aunties ftw.
okayyyyy. gtg wha lao control yourself appetiteeeeeee.
xoxo
out of you.
ps: it doesn't matter (:
o yaaaaaa katherine mcphee's new single is out! and she dyed her hair blonde for the new album.
anyway, shopping today with Cyn darling at FEP. got a pair of shoes that look so pointed i have the urge to kick something to make them blunt, and two tops. many more online stuff, and i do hope that person passes up the MNG blazer. like wtf $28 bucks onlyyyyyyyyy..... cheap cheap!
oh ya and i'm so proud of myself! kept resisting impulse buys..... normally it's just 'grab and go' 'grab and go' without really thinking.
hurhur. wish i were one of those skinny bitches. can't even wear jeans properly w/o being afraid i'll look fat.
okay one photo -..-
i think i'm a lazy bum who can't be bothered to upload anything else. this was with M last Sat? we got eaten alive by mozzies, and i have 20 + bites on my legs though i was wearing stockings. like wtf and now my legs are covered with scars since i couldn't stop scratching on them.
damn horrible.
kay, i'm determined! :D made up my mind to save money and all. and i've that urge to put in my extensions again. I.WANT.LONG.HAIR.DAMN.IT. been whining since a long time ago..... and it's like growing.... so... damnnn... slowly......
Bec's hair is damn long lah! lol. i want kristen stewarts hair! i mean not the black and short one; the long chocolate brown one. damn nice!
luvluv.
anyway, i think i'm like quite over him already. HAHA. still will feel emo shitszx sometimes, but still..... i feel quite contented with my life i think, though it can be better. but i'm not those kind of girls who needs a boyfriend 24/7. i mean yes, it'll be nice. but seriously thinking about all the drama and shit for the past few months, i think i'd rather do without one for now.
anyway it doesn't really matter lah.
kay suddenly feel like eating maggie mee and playing billiard. damnnnn KEEP EATING AND EATING.
oh ya met Joeyzzzzz just now at Sengkang CC > R.Plaza. amazing the bond after all these years. HAHA she's a person i'd rather do with then do without! though i know i've always made her angry and all. awwwwww ><
and we were damn aunty, cause mac closed at 11 pm for some reason today, and there were a lot of people inside when the lights started switching off. then i looked at her and she looked at me..... then immediately she rushed out to book place so we can sit. hurhur aunties ftw.
okayyyyy. gtg wha lao control yourself appetiteeeeeee.
xoxo
out of you.
ps: it doesn't matter (:
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
should've known better
caught 'the last house on the left'.
rain, rain more rain.
drama, tears and making up.
at that moment, i really wished you were there. to hold it all together, to keep me warm, to ease this.
ni gen ben jiu bu zhi dao.. gen ben jiu bu zai hu.
the lyrics to 'xia yu tian', made em fall even faster. D, no matter what you're not alone.
-
下雨天了 怎么办 我好想你
我不敢打给你 我找不到原因
为什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉
沉默的场景 做你的代替 陪我等雨停
期待让人越来越沉溺（疲惫）
谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累
怎样的雨 怎样的夜 怎样的我 能让你更想念
雨要多大 天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不出哪些差别
结局那还能多明显
别说你会难过 别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉
-
and some others.
xx
hao xiang ni.
ps: 2 months.
rain, rain more rain.
drama, tears and making up.
at that moment, i really wished you were there. to hold it all together, to keep me warm, to ease this.
ni gen ben jiu bu zhi dao.. gen ben jiu bu zai hu.
the lyrics to 'xia yu tian', made em fall even faster. D, no matter what you're not alone.
-
下雨天了 怎么办 我好想你
我不敢打给你 我找不到原因
为什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉
沉默的场景 做你的代替 陪我等雨停
期待让人越来越沉溺（疲惫）
谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞 一个人擦泪 一个人好累
怎样的雨 怎样的夜 怎样的我 能让你更想念
雨要多大 天要多黑 才能够有你的体贴
其实没有我你分不出哪些差别
结局那还能多明显
别说你会难过 别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉
-
and some others.
xx
hao xiang ni.
ps: 2 months.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
8.44 am.
feeling frantic, and fuck it i know i shouldn't care. really shouldn't, that he's moving on, how many girls there are.....
but yknow it sucks cause it seems like the whole thing didn't mean shit to him. and they were right, too right.
i'll always just be another girl to him, yknow. just another girl.
and it sucks cause he'll never be 'just another guy', not to me.
i really don't know why i'm crying, did so well the past few days, it shouldn't matter.....
why'd i have to fall for a guy who's heart was made of stone? i know it's all part of that 'he's moved on' thing, but i really, just can't help feeling so fucked up.
wondering about the next girl he'll hold in his arms,the next hand he'd interwine his with, about the next one he'll say 'i love you' to, wondering if what he felt for me was ever true, wondering if he'll ever think of me.
yknow probably not at all. probably not a second thought, for him it's a closed chapter, one he'd rather leave behind.
but it's like this raw wound that's picking. i never should have let him in, never should've let anyone close to my heart. knew there was a reason why those walls were built.
and i'm so afraid that i'll never find anyone that can make me feel the way he did, afraid that i'll be stuck on him forever, and afraid that i'll always carry a part of him with me in my heart.
i don't want to, wanna forget. every single thing he said, every single thing he did, every single i love you, every single memory of the past year. i wanna forget it all like how he did. God yknow i feel so pathetic, like such a loser.
wish i could just recall him as that idiot i used to roll my eyes back at during secondary school, when he swaggered around like some big shot, or when he took the scorpion and made yuqi cry.
when he said 'i think i love you more then you love me'... when he told me 'i don't wanna lose you.' when he said 'baby i love you i love you!'
all words, all words. never should've believed them so much.
in a way i don't think i'll ever be able to forgive myself for putting myself through all this shit. for letting myself hurt so much. i know it's part and parcel of every relationship, but yknow a part of me really thought that we really could've lasted much longer.
and a part of me forgot that everything ends, sooner or later. let myself think that no matter how many times we broke up, we'd be strong enough to pull through each time.
A, you know how much i hate you? somehow i wish that we'd never ever got together, and yet i don't regret one bit.
i hate feeling like this i hate it.
i hate being unable to sleep, i hate having to talk to other people just to feel less alone, never used to be that way. i hate .....
and yet i'm gonna be better.
i'm gonna stand up, be stronger, be better than ever before. no matter how much it takes, it's not gonna kill me, so it's gonna make me stronger.
shall take it like a man.
one day. one day.
xx.
sincerely.
ps:
feeling frantic, and fuck it i know i shouldn't care. really shouldn't, that he's moving on, how many girls there are.....
but yknow it sucks cause it seems like the whole thing didn't mean shit to him. and they were right, too right.
i'll always just be another girl to him, yknow. just another girl.
and it sucks cause he'll never be 'just another guy', not to me.
i really don't know why i'm crying, did so well the past few days, it shouldn't matter.....
why'd i have to fall for a guy who's heart was made of stone? i know it's all part of that 'he's moved on' thing, but i really, just can't help feeling so fucked up.
wondering about the next girl he'll hold in his arms,the next hand he'd interwine his with, about the next one he'll say 'i love you' to, wondering if what he felt for me was ever true, wondering if he'll ever think of me.
yknow probably not at all. probably not a second thought, for him it's a closed chapter, one he'd rather leave behind.
but it's like this raw wound that's picking. i never should have let him in, never should've let anyone close to my heart. knew there was a reason why those walls were built.
and i'm so afraid that i'll never find anyone that can make me feel the way he did, afraid that i'll be stuck on him forever, and afraid that i'll always carry a part of him with me in my heart.
i don't want to, wanna forget. every single thing he said, every single thing he did, every single i love you, every single memory of the past year. i wanna forget it all like how he did. God yknow i feel so pathetic, like such a loser.
wish i could just recall him as that idiot i used to roll my eyes back at during secondary school, when he swaggered around like some big shot, or when he took the scorpion and made yuqi cry.
when he said 'i think i love you more then you love me'... when he told me 'i don't wanna lose you.' when he said 'baby i love you i love you!'
all words, all words. never should've believed them so much.
in a way i don't think i'll ever be able to forgive myself for putting myself through all this shit. for letting myself hurt so much. i know it's part and parcel of every relationship, but yknow a part of me really thought that we really could've lasted much longer.
and a part of me forgot that everything ends, sooner or later. let myself think that no matter how many times we broke up, we'd be strong enough to pull through each time.
A, you know how much i hate you? somehow i wish that we'd never ever got together, and yet i don't regret one bit.
i hate feeling like this i hate it.
i hate being unable to sleep, i hate having to talk to other people just to feel less alone, never used to be that way. i hate .....
and yet i'm gonna be better.
i'm gonna stand up, be stronger, be better than ever before. no matter how much it takes, it's not gonna kill me, so it's gonna make me stronger.
shall take it like a man.
one day. one day.
xx.
sincerely.
ps:
hi, hello stranger.
omg shit this i can't sleeeeeeeeeeep ):
what a time to find yourself unable to sleep. LOL okay i sound extremely dumb.
Bec canceled on me ): sad and pathetic face* LOL! hence i ended up lazing around the whole day, watching kang xi lai le and chatting to people on msn.....
have so many things to do, but i can't get myself motivated to.get.started.on.them.....
been having weird dreams recently, think my subconscious is attacking me again. been dreaming of ________, and i think it's telling me that it's time to get a new guy. HAHAHAHAHA.
but supposedly someone said that it's not good to get a new boyfriend so soon, cause i've always been moaning about how much i love A.
but cannot move on meh? he also move on already what, love him so what? HAHA.
putting it aside and just concentrating on someone/something else for a change these few days makes me feel so damn relaxedddddddddd. though thoughts of him do wander into my head and i do feel emo shitszsxzxzx for a while, it's like so much easier to pick myself up and move on with whatever i'm doing.
hehe
i wanna go clubbbbbbbbing. and i know cyn wants to too. problem is age luh..... so annoyingggggggg i don't look like any of my friends can! my ic photo sucks shit looks like some grumpy middle aged woman taking a mugshot. lollol!
Becccccc i wanna eat thai fooooood! and go thrifting you idiot you stood me upppppppp ))))): she'll probably not see this until maybe a few months later LOL. so perhaps she'll not even see this at all.
got so many clothes that i wanna make but wtfh damn lazyyyyyyy.
caught 'Where got ghost?' on thurs/weds? with Juncheng, Zhihao and Weekian. it was..... alright luh. i think the thing i enjoyed the most was scaring Juncheng, cause he's such a scaredy cat. hehe
okay back to kang xi lai le, then i need some sleep. meeting up with M to keep her company for one of her shoots, so yeah..... think she'll kill me if i don't wake up early.
oh yaaaa got to tidy up my room it's like in a huge mess. thank you all the dear kind souls who've always attempted to help me clear it up, especially weewee. :D luvluv.
anyway i think i'll be on blogger and on tumblr, see where my mood takes me. and i've got to start uploading my photos damn it damn horrible this space is so..... wordy. HAHA. especially this post.
okayyyy and i wonder how Jay is doing. kinda miss him sial, but don't dare call his house to look for him idk where's he now especially since he was supposed to contact me damn long ago after his _______ and i haven't seen him online since. just damn afraid that if i call his house then later his ah ma pick up then he really went in..... wha damn awkward don't know how to put down. lol! plus his birthday already over and i haven't wish him feel quite guilty about that idk why. -..-
alright shall go watch my kang xi lai le.
i've no idea why no one wants to watch it. like when with 'friends', only iza (classmate) responded with enthu replies about it. the rest were like 'don't want to watch lah'xxxx blalbalblablablabla.
okayyyyyyyy. g2g liaos.
xoxo
unbreakable.
ps: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i'm absolutely determined to be even better.
what a time to find yourself unable to sleep. LOL okay i sound extremely dumb.
Bec canceled on me ): sad and pathetic face* LOL! hence i ended up lazing around the whole day, watching kang xi lai le and chatting to people on msn.....
have so many things to do, but i can't get myself motivated to.get.started.on.them.....
been having weird dreams recently, think my subconscious is attacking me again. been dreaming of ________, and i think it's telling me that it's time to get a new guy. HAHAHAHAHA.
but supposedly someone said that it's not good to get a new boyfriend so soon, cause i've always been moaning about how much i love A.
but cannot move on meh? he also move on already what, love him so what? HAHA.
putting it aside and just concentrating on someone/something else for a change these few days makes me feel so damn relaxedddddddddd. though thoughts of him do wander into my head and i do feel emo shitszsxzxzx for a while, it's like so much easier to pick myself up and move on with whatever i'm doing.
hehe
i wanna go clubbbbbbbbing. and i know cyn wants to too. problem is age luh..... so annoyingggggggg i don't look like any of my friends can! my ic photo sucks shit looks like some grumpy middle aged woman taking a mugshot. lollol!
Becccccc i wanna eat thai fooooood! and go thrifting you idiot you stood me upppppppp ))))): she'll probably not see this until maybe a few months later LOL. so perhaps she'll not even see this at all.
got so many clothes that i wanna make but wtfh damn lazyyyyyyy.
caught 'Where got ghost?' on thurs/weds? with Juncheng, Zhihao and Weekian. it was..... alright luh. i think the thing i enjoyed the most was scaring Juncheng, cause he's such a scaredy cat. hehe
okay back to kang xi lai le, then i need some sleep. meeting up with M to keep her company for one of her shoots, so yeah..... think she'll kill me if i don't wake up early.
oh yaaaa got to tidy up my room it's like in a huge mess. thank you all the dear kind souls who've always attempted to help me clear it up, especially weewee. :D luvluv.
anyway i think i'll be on blogger and on tumblr, see where my mood takes me. and i've got to start uploading my photos damn it damn horrible this space is so..... wordy. HAHA. especially this post.
okayyyy and i wonder how Jay is doing. kinda miss him sial, but don't dare call his house to look for him idk where's he now especially since he was supposed to contact me damn long ago after his _______ and i haven't seen him online since. just damn afraid that if i call his house then later his ah ma pick up then he really went in..... wha damn awkward don't know how to put down. lol! plus his birthday already over and i haven't wish him feel quite guilty about that idk why. -..-
alright shall go watch my kang xi lai le.
i've no idea why no one wants to watch it. like when with 'friends', only iza (classmate) responded with enthu replies about it. the rest were like 'don't want to watch lah'xxxx blalbalblablablabla.
okayyyyyyyy. g2g liaos.
xoxo
unbreakable.
ps: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. i'm absolutely determined to be even better.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
moving on.
blogger, you've fucked me up for the last time.
shall come back when things are alright again here.
http://lovedrunkover.tumblr.com > yes, tumblr. rolls eyes*
moving on in more ways than one. i'll miss you..... ! B.logger.
shall come back when things are alright again here.
http://lovedrunkover.tumblr.com > yes, tumblr. rolls eyes*
moving on in more ways than one. i'll miss you..... ! B.logger.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
tranquility
zen mode. realized that actually i don't really care. go do whatever you want, it isn't something i should/can care about.
skipped school again.....
shouldn't be on the phone till six in the morning.
i wanna go watch shooting stars again. i wanna see _______ again.
i'm gonna learn how to play the guitar, and learn how to play 'Only One', 'Thinking of you', 'Lips of an Angel', 'Forever and almost Always', etc, but that's gonna take a mad long time.
shall just nuaaaaaaa.
clubbing, anyone?
xoxo
nothing short of a miracle.
ps: i could still be hoping, still be waiting, still be praying. but you will never understand till it's too late.
skipped school again.....
shouldn't be on the phone till six in the morning.
i wanna go watch shooting stars again. i wanna see _______ again.
i'm gonna learn how to play the guitar, and learn how to play 'Only One', 'Thinking of you', 'Lips of an Angel', 'Forever and almost Always', etc, but that's gonna take a mad long time.
shall just nuaaaaaaa.
clubbing, anyone?
xoxo
nothing short of a miracle.
ps: i could still be hoping, still be waiting, still be praying. but you will never understand till it's too late.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
get away from me.
skipped school today.
met up with M for a short while, and drama happened. Swensons after, then home. can't kick away that urge to barf, feel so chock full with weird stuff.
i hate msn, it's fucking me up like facebook. sebas said something about hurricanes in Taiwan and something about wires.
think i'm gonna be sick.
bye.
xx
it's so obvious.
ps: no matter how much you deny it, i know it ain't true. cause i know how you are, and i know the kind of guy you are. you're still the same.
met up with M for a short while, and drama happened. Swensons after, then home. can't kick away that urge to barf, feel so chock full with weird stuff.
i hate msn, it's fucking me up like facebook. sebas said something about hurricanes in Taiwan and something about wires.
think i'm gonna be sick.
bye.
xx
it's so obvious.
ps: no matter how much you deny it, i know it ain't true. cause i know how you are, and i know the kind of guy you are. you're still the same.
Keeping the Faith, Lord.
can't sleep, thinking of stuff.
i guess guys really are from mars, and women from venus.
it's damn different the way guys think. it seems like it's damn easy for them to go 'well, there's no use thinking/there's no point' etc, and they just shut themselves off, like there's a switchboard for their emotions, whereas girls can't usually think that way and it isn't easy at all to just think logically and all.
especially at this age, relationships are so damn fickle. find myself wondering about different guys, and wondering if i should just go into a new one, if just to forget _____. was talking about it with ___, and i really don't know if i should.
but apparently he'll be a better boyfriend and give me lots of attention and TLC, so yeah. good candidate?????
it's only been what, three weeks? and already i've heard that .....
makes me disappointed in a way, but yeah i've no control over that, no right to feel sad/jealous/angry/disappointed over whatever he does. ironic cause three weeks ago apparently it was love, and now.....? i've no idea what it is.
talked about some stuff with M, and we talked about personality traits of ______, and i agreed that there are many that i disliked. weird how it doesn't affect the way i feel, the emotional part of me at least, and not the logical part of me.
ironic that i'm supposed to be a psychology student aye?
and yes, i do marvel at life and the way humans work, we are screwed..... decisions, cause and effect, how it affects people around, how we react, different personalities and how we change according to our environment.....
and most importantly how people feel emotions, and what they choose to do about it. and if heart > mind or mind > heart affects how things play out, (most definitely) i'm tired, can't sleep.
feel like playing billiard all of a sudden.
xoxo
you knocked me down.
ps: dig deeper.
i guess guys really are from mars, and women from venus.
it's damn different the way guys think. it seems like it's damn easy for them to go 'well, there's no use thinking/there's no point' etc, and they just shut themselves off, like there's a switchboard for their emotions, whereas girls can't usually think that way and it isn't easy at all to just think logically and all.
especially at this age, relationships are so damn fickle. find myself wondering about different guys, and wondering if i should just go into a new one, if just to forget _____. was talking about it with ___, and i really don't know if i should.
but apparently he'll be a better boyfriend and give me lots of attention and TLC, so yeah. good candidate?????
it's only been what, three weeks? and already i've heard that .....
makes me disappointed in a way, but yeah i've no control over that, no right to feel sad/jealous/angry/disappointed over whatever he does. ironic cause three weeks ago apparently it was love, and now.....? i've no idea what it is.
talked about some stuff with M, and we talked about personality traits of ______, and i agreed that there are many that i disliked. weird how it doesn't affect the way i feel, the emotional part of me at least, and not the logical part of me.
ironic that i'm supposed to be a psychology student aye?
and yes, i do marvel at life and the way humans work, we are screwed..... decisions, cause and effect, how it affects people around, how we react, different personalities and how we change according to our environment.....
and most importantly how people feel emotions, and what they choose to do about it. and if heart > mind or mind > heart affects how things play out, (most definitely) i'm tired, can't sleep.
feel like playing billiard all of a sudden.
xoxo
you knocked me down.
ps: dig deeper.
Monday, August 17, 2009
well done, first step taken.
maybe one day soon i'll be happy. though the tears feel like they're on the way down, but they're the kind that brings relief.
i'm getting closer, closer to closure.
and maybe one day i'll be able to shut that door for good. like how he already shut his, and move on with my head held high.
xoxo
ps: remember what i told you.
maybe one day soon i'll be happy. though the tears feel like they're on the way down, but they're the kind that brings relief.
i'm getting closer, closer to closure.
and maybe one day i'll be able to shut that door for good. like how he already shut his, and move on with my head held high.
xoxo
ps: remember what i told you.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
don't leave
deleted the previous post.
i hate feeling jealous, cause i pretty much am right now. for the record it doesn't mean i'm insecure, or being like how i was. in the first place i wouldn't be jealous if i knew i had nothing to worry about. but with things so uncertain now, i think it's only human nature to feel like how i've been feeling.
step into my shoes. for once.
and i can't believe i'm crying while watching friends.
i feel so sad..... ):
met my perfect guy. pity i'll never see him again.
i hate feeling jealous, cause i pretty much am right now. for the record it doesn't mean i'm insecure, or being like how i was. in the first place i wouldn't be jealous if i knew i had nothing to worry about. but with things so uncertain now, i think it's only human nature to feel like how i've been feeling.
step into my shoes. for once.
and i can't believe i'm crying while watching friends.
i feel so sad..... ):
met my perfect guy. pity i'll never see him again.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
exhausted.
may switch back to LJ soon, wtf is wrong with Blogger man?!
anyway, caught the Perseid Meteor shower! went to Ponggol (sp) End, sat there totally bored. met three new people randomly, Gary, Wilson and Basil. played cards, crapped, and got bitten by mozzies. didn't see any, though one of them claimed there were.
gave up around three to four-ish in the morning, and went to Jalan Kayu to eat. after that, we headed to Wilson's place (HE HAS A FAT CAT!) and we spent the rest of the night at the basketball court, with his guitar and Gary's DSLR. they can play damn well luh!
we already gave up on catching any, but suddenly someone caught sight of a meteor. so amazingly i still managed to see my very first meteor/shooting star thingy, doubt it's a shooting star but i wished on it anyway. caught some more, and it was super cool, but it's literally over in less than a second kind!
anyway, guess tonight made me realize something, but..... gah.
thinking about him, about my life, about future stuff, about where i'm headed, and wondering what i'm fighting for when there's so much out there. the frog in the well, isn't it about time to jump out?
heart > mind, mind > heart. it's a difficult choice, and without any other options i'll just sink back in.
and so what am i fighting for, exactly?
honestly i do know the odds of it, and how fucked up i am by wanting to put myself through more of this shit. and yet i keep choosing to.
i wish my feelings could fade that easily. i wish we could trade places. then he'll know what i'm feeling and i could know what he's feeling. and maybe then he'll understand why i'm fighting so hard to get him to see the point, and he'll see how fucking tiring it is.
words fucking hurt me, they shot right through, though i know it's the truth.
how many people have told me to give up, to let go. said a lot of things, like he's not worth it, you'll find someone better, or there's no point, it'll just happen over again.
but why would it if effort is put in, true effort to want to make things right? it's so hard, and i'm so tired. and i feel so fucking selfish, cause part of love should be about wanting the person to be happy right? and yet i know he could be happier. with me, because i think he was. during those happy times when issues didn't crop up, playfighting, watching dvds together, sushi, outings, and i remember the time he picked me up from school. sweating and tired, walking from queenstown mrt and nearly getting lost. saw him standing outside in his navy uniform, and that bag. the sweetest.
maybe part of me will regret. typing this, but it's just taking me on a whim. i just wish i can't feel anything anymore. i really do. i hate that feeling like something's gripping my heart so tightly it's causing my stomach to flip out, and i try to calm myself, but it doesn't get any better.
i hate sleepless nights cause there's a lot of time to think about everything, i hate it when i start to feel insecure but i know i'm not, but how can i be secure when i don't even know where his fucking heart is? when 'the right to move on' is reserved, and i've to take it swallow it choke on it bitch!
i'm not complain i'm not whining don't say i am i'm just freaking out a little. cause i've been trying to keep my cool, calm and collected. just wanna scream can't even do that properly and those fucking tears don't come anymore it's just one solid piece of ice cold cold cold cold cold.
how could he want me so much one year ago, and how can i want him so much now?! things are so different, so fucking hell different. yeah ask myself, i know. but it takes two hands to clap..... doesn't it? now when i'm making the most effort, tried the hardest, it's like searching for a needle in a haystack, like taking blood from a stone, trying to push away the great wall of China. i can't do it, i can't do it. clap with me won't you please?
cause i know we can be so much better. i know it, i swear deep down. just at least TRY. don't people get sick of all the other people? running through them one by one, one by one. i don't even think i can have another boyfriend, and supposedly another one is coming along for him?! FUCK. i'm amazed i swear.
i can't breathe, i think i'm gonna get wrinkles from all the frowns. i don't want this heart anymore it hurts it hurts get it away from me.....
or make me happy.
please? pretty please?
i promise i'll be a good girl. i promise i'll be a good girlfriend, i promise, no more showing of attitudes, no more doing things he don't like. i swear i won't cut myself i swear i won't smoke i swear i won't go clubbing i won't borrow anymore money from others i won't argue with my parents i'll go to school i'll go to school. i promise i won't talk to guys that don't matter..... pathetic dog, you.
feel like i'm drunk. Lord, save me. one more. one more.
))))): like the lyrics, 'i can't unlove you, can't do it no matter how i try, i'll never turn my back on, someone who loves me too.' does he does he? HA i don't even know for sure doubt he knows either. cause it's always logic > heart.
and i don't wanna take initiative anymore..... cries * Daddy, save me.....
feels like i'm drowning and the shore is a thousand miles away. like how Vanessa Carlton would, walk a thousand miles. i'd do too.
honestly i hate who i've become. weak, spineless.
and yet i know i've become a better person then who i was in the past, in a way. and i feel so screwed up.....
i think i need sleep.
goodnight.
xoxo
ps: i hope you meant what you said, working it out takes the two of us. the.two.of.us. i can't do it alone.....
anyway, caught the Perseid Meteor shower! went to Ponggol (sp) End, sat there totally bored. met three new people randomly, Gary, Wilson and Basil. played cards, crapped, and got bitten by mozzies. didn't see any, though one of them claimed there were.
gave up around three to four-ish in the morning, and went to Jalan Kayu to eat. after that, we headed to Wilson's place (HE HAS A FAT CAT!) and we spent the rest of the night at the basketball court, with his guitar and Gary's DSLR. they can play damn well luh!
we already gave up on catching any, but suddenly someone caught sight of a meteor. so amazingly i still managed to see my very first meteor/shooting star thingy, doubt it's a shooting star but i wished on it anyway. caught some more, and it was super cool, but it's literally over in less than a second kind!
anyway, guess tonight made me realize something, but..... gah.
thinking about him, about my life, about future stuff, about where i'm headed, and wondering what i'm fighting for when there's so much out there. the frog in the well, isn't it about time to jump out?
heart > mind, mind > heart. it's a difficult choice, and without any other options i'll just sink back in.
and so what am i fighting for, exactly?
honestly i do know the odds of it, and how fucked up i am by wanting to put myself through more of this shit. and yet i keep choosing to.
i wish my feelings could fade that easily. i wish we could trade places. then he'll know what i'm feeling and i could know what he's feeling. and maybe then he'll understand why i'm fighting so hard to get him to see the point, and he'll see how fucking tiring it is.
words fucking hurt me, they shot right through, though i know it's the truth.
how many people have told me to give up, to let go. said a lot of things, like he's not worth it, you'll find someone better, or there's no point, it'll just happen over again.
but why would it if effort is put in, true effort to want to make things right? it's so hard, and i'm so tired. and i feel so fucking selfish, cause part of love should be about wanting the person to be happy right? and yet i know he could be happier. with me, because i think he was. during those happy times when issues didn't crop up, playfighting, watching dvds together, sushi, outings, and i remember the time he picked me up from school. sweating and tired, walking from queenstown mrt and nearly getting lost. saw him standing outside in his navy uniform, and that bag. the sweetest.
maybe part of me will regret. typing this, but it's just taking me on a whim. i just wish i can't feel anything anymore. i really do. i hate that feeling like something's gripping my heart so tightly it's causing my stomach to flip out, and i try to calm myself, but it doesn't get any better.
i hate sleepless nights cause there's a lot of time to think about everything, i hate it when i start to feel insecure but i know i'm not, but how can i be secure when i don't even know where his fucking heart is? when 'the right to move on' is reserved, and i've to take it swallow it choke on it bitch!
i'm not complain i'm not whining don't say i am i'm just freaking out a little. cause i've been trying to keep my cool, calm and collected. just wanna scream can't even do that properly and those fucking tears don't come anymore it's just one solid piece of ice cold cold cold cold cold.
how could he want me so much one year ago, and how can i want him so much now?! things are so different, so fucking hell different. yeah ask myself, i know. but it takes two hands to clap..... doesn't it? now when i'm making the most effort, tried the hardest, it's like searching for a needle in a haystack, like taking blood from a stone, trying to push away the great wall of China. i can't do it, i can't do it. clap with me won't you please?
cause i know we can be so much better. i know it, i swear deep down. just at least TRY. don't people get sick of all the other people? running through them one by one, one by one. i don't even think i can have another boyfriend, and supposedly another one is coming along for him?! FUCK. i'm amazed i swear.
i can't breathe, i think i'm gonna get wrinkles from all the frowns. i don't want this heart anymore it hurts it hurts get it away from me.....
or make me happy.
please? pretty please?
i promise i'll be a good girl. i promise i'll be a good girlfriend, i promise, no more showing of attitudes, no more doing things he don't like. i swear i won't cut myself i swear i won't smoke i swear i won't go clubbing i won't borrow anymore money from others i won't argue with my parents i'll go to school i'll go to school. i promise i won't talk to guys that don't matter..... pathetic dog, you.
feel like i'm drunk. Lord, save me. one more. one more.
))))): like the lyrics, 'i can't unlove you, can't do it no matter how i try, i'll never turn my back on, someone who loves me too.' does he does he? HA i don't even know for sure doubt he knows either. cause it's always logic > heart.
and i don't wanna take initiative anymore..... cries * Daddy, save me.....
feels like i'm drowning and the shore is a thousand miles away. like how Vanessa Carlton would, walk a thousand miles. i'd do too.
honestly i hate who i've become. weak, spineless.
and yet i know i've become a better person then who i was in the past, in a way. and i feel so screwed up.....
i think i need sleep.
goodnight.
xoxo
ps: i hope you meant what you said, working it out takes the two of us. the.two.of.us. i can't do it alone.....
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
OMG.
WenXiong™ says (3:11 PM):
*-.-
*i actaully guessed that you not studying de
*because too stupid liao
*hahaha!
WenXiong™ says (3:12 PM):
*and i think design is the best course suited for ppl like you/
*hahaha
*no offense =D
Johanna says (3:12 PM):
*lol! CAN I ASK IN WHICH PART IS THAT NOT OFFENSIVE?!
WenXiong™ says (3:13 PM):
*none
*hahaha
*ok im sry
*chill
Johanna says (3:13 PM):
*lol!
*i blogged abt it.
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*anw since you think i'm dumb
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*huh?
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*then i thin kwhat i'm studying will make you shocked
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*oh no!
*if sebas sees it
*im so so dead
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*lol! why?
*no la he says im dumb allthe time
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*what business arh?
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*nope i used to be studying business
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*see
*I SAID THE SAME THING!
WenXiong™ says (3:15 PM):
*SO ITS NOT THAT OFFENSIVE ANYMORE
*because someone else did it before me
Johanna says (3:15 PM):
*LOLLOL. WHY ISN'T IT
*so you mean murder is okay because got people commit before?
Johanna says (3:16 PM):
*!!!!! IM SMART !
WenXiong™ says (3:17 PM):
*murder is diff
*because
*this only happens when the same target is being used
Johanna says (3:17 PM):
*-..- okay so is assasination okay?
*if someone else failed the first time
*same target!
WenXiong™ says (3:17 PM):
*if someone killed another person, thats person is dead already, how to kill again?
Johanna says (3:17 PM):
*READ ABOVE
WenXiong™ says (3:18 PM):
*if he fail i wont try
Johanna says (3:18 PM):
*-..- but there have been others
WenXiong™ says (3:18 PM):
*that would be risky
*hahahaha
Johanna says (3:18 PM):
*like president like tht
*peopel wanna assasinate
*so will that still make it okay, IF ITS BEEN DONE BEFORE?!
*LOL
*cmi lah you
WenXiong™ says (3:18 PM):
*no!
Johanna says (3:18 PM):
*hahahaha
*THEN
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*ok to me
Johanna says (3:19 PM):
*-..- you only want to win lor!
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*its ok to me mah =[
Johanna says (3:19 PM):
*wait when people want assasinate you
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*why you like that?
Johanna says (3:19 PM):
*then see if okay
*hahahahaha
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*who would want to assasinate me sia?
Johanna says (3:20 PM):
*nobody i think, but it's just an example
*LOL
it's damn funny luh cause he said i'm stupid and obviouslyyyyyy..... ME MORE INTELLIGENT CAN! lol!
i think only cyn will read that whole convo.
*-.-
*i actaully guessed that you not studying de
*because too stupid liao
*hahaha!
WenXiong™ says (3:12 PM):
*and i think design is the best course suited for ppl like you/
*hahaha
*no offense =D
Johanna says (3:12 PM):
*lol! CAN I ASK IN WHICH PART IS THAT NOT OFFENSIVE?!
WenXiong™ says (3:13 PM):
*none
*hahaha
*ok im sry
*chill
Johanna says (3:13 PM):
*lol!
*i blogged abt it.
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*anw since you think i'm dumb
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*huh?
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*then i thin kwhat i'm studying will make you shocked
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*oh no!
*if sebas sees it
*im so so dead
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*lol! why?
*no la he says im dumb allthe time
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*what business arh?
Johanna says (3:14 PM):
*nope i used to be studying business
WenXiong™ says (3:14 PM):
*see
*I SAID THE SAME THING!
WenXiong™ says (3:15 PM):
*SO ITS NOT THAT OFFENSIVE ANYMORE
*because someone else did it before me
Johanna says (3:15 PM):
*LOLLOL. WHY ISN'T IT
*so you mean murder is okay because got people commit before?
Johanna says (3:16 PM):
*!!!!! IM SMART !
WenXiong™ says (3:17 PM):
*murder is diff
*because
*this only happens when the same target is being used
Johanna says (3:17 PM):
*-..- okay so is assasination okay?
*if someone else failed the first time
*same target!
WenXiong™ says (3:17 PM):
*if someone killed another person, thats person is dead already, how to kill again?
Johanna says (3:17 PM):
*READ ABOVE
WenXiong™ says (3:18 PM):
*if he fail i wont try
Johanna says (3:18 PM):
*-..- but there have been others
WenXiong™ says (3:18 PM):
*that would be risky
*hahahaha
Johanna says (3:18 PM):
*like president like tht
*peopel wanna assasinate
*so will that still make it okay, IF ITS BEEN DONE BEFORE?!
*LOL
*cmi lah you
WenXiong™ says (3:18 PM):
*no!
Johanna says (3:18 PM):
*hahahaha
*THEN
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*ok to me
Johanna says (3:19 PM):
*-..- you only want to win lor!
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*its ok to me mah =[
Johanna says (3:19 PM):
*wait when people want assasinate you
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*why you like that?
Johanna says (3:19 PM):
*then see if okay
*hahahahaha
WenXiong™ says (3:19 PM):
*who would want to assasinate me sia?
Johanna says (3:20 PM):
*nobody i think, but it's just an example
*LOL
it's damn funny luh cause he said i'm stupid and obviouslyyyyyy..... ME MORE INTELLIGENT CAN! lol!
i think only cyn will read that whole convo.
but logic could never convince a heart
"you're the only thing i know, like the back of my hand."
well, so i'm supposed to be resting to get ready for tomorrow's project thingy, and it sucks cause i'm totally not ready for sleeping early, plus i can't quite sleep just yet considering i fell asleep at nine just now and woke up an hour later feeling totally refreshed.
anyhow, photos of ME! and some of Carson, and one of Binghui.
these are from my phone and so, more to come from my mum's digicam.
Carson's hair caught fire! it was classic i tell you. that idiot was trying to hear if his lighter still had gas in it, so he put it close to his ear and lighted it up. -..-
dinner with the cousins!
the rest really CMI cause of blurry phone = mine. so hopefully, another dinner coming up soon cause i really enjoyed it. (:
on the way to Batam, in the car.
Speaking of cars, Bc has been taking driving lessons! and it reminds me that i can't wait to turn 18 so that i can go get a license of my own, not to mention finally be legal to club. however, i'm kind of dreading it too cause that means i'll be another year older! officially. ):
though i admit there're more perks being eighteen then not. or are they equal?
had a discussion with dad in the car, about happiness and being content. the differences, and how it affects me. and i realize i've pretty much analyzed why i'm feeling this way and all, and joined in with human needs vs wants and stuff like that.
kept debating, and windbags like dad and i should never argue since it'll bring out a whole lot of discussions and all. plus i like to be right all the time. HAHA.
kay project with schoolmates tomorrow. 'OMG ELEVEN O CLOCK!' then maybe after that, solo trip around to get stuff, then maybe meeting Cyn to watch a movie at Bishan.
have got to sleeeeeeeeep. ): thank God for 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S.', and i'm on season 10 already eh how?!?!?!?!??! ))))): what's going to keep me company and make me laugh and laugh and laugh?
oh wellszx.
someone reminded me of the Rubber Band Theory, only he told me the story in a slightly different way. i guess that is the logic, but like what K has always said, 'but logic could never convince a heart.'
and i guess choosing to do the most logical thing isn't simple, and why do i still have to stand so convicted in what i want? 'nothing is impossible, and i'm going to turn the impossible to possible' - it's my turn now.
i'm going to try really really really really really hard, to show that i've changed. why can't my heart die already.....? and if only i can apply such determination to my schoolwork..... groans *
but Lord, i do hope my prayers will be answered. crosses fingers for luck *
kay off. haven't plan my schedule for tomorrow sial! and i just realized that there are a lot of projects that are due soon, and i've no fucking idea what to do.
omg and i realized that it's been damn long since i used the word fuck. !!!!! achievement!
okay okay really, ttfn!
xoxo
please, please.
ps: we could be so much more. i can prove it, if only you'd give me the chance to. such a loser act, but you're what my heart wants, and i've never gone down without a fight. though it's a battle i'm not sure i'll win. not sure at all.
well, so i'm supposed to be resting to get ready for tomorrow's project thingy, and it sucks cause i'm totally not ready for sleeping early, plus i can't quite sleep just yet considering i fell asleep at nine just now and woke up an hour later feeling totally refreshed.
anyhow, photos of ME! and some of Carson, and one of Binghui.
these are from my phone and so, more to come from my mum's digicam.
Carson's hair caught fire! it was classic i tell you. that idiot was trying to hear if his lighter still had gas in it, so he put it close to his ear and lighted it up. -..-
dinner with the cousins!
the rest really CMI cause of blurry phone = mine. so hopefully, another dinner coming up soon cause i really enjoyed it. (:
on the way to Batam, in the car.
Speaking of cars, Bc has been taking driving lessons! and it reminds me that i can't wait to turn 18 so that i can go get a license of my own, not to mention finally be legal to club. however, i'm kind of dreading it too cause that means i'll be another year older! officially. ):
though i admit there're more perks being eighteen then not. or are they equal?
had a discussion with dad in the car, about happiness and being content. the differences, and how it affects me. and i realize i've pretty much analyzed why i'm feeling this way and all, and joined in with human needs vs wants and stuff like that.
kept debating, and windbags like dad and i should never argue since it'll bring out a whole lot of discussions and all. plus i like to be right all the time. HAHA.
kay project with schoolmates tomorrow. 'OMG ELEVEN O CLOCK!' then maybe after that, solo trip around to get stuff, then maybe meeting Cyn to watch a movie at Bishan.
have got to sleeeeeeeeep. ): thank God for 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S.', and i'm on season 10 already eh how?!?!?!?!??! ))))): what's going to keep me company and make me laugh and laugh and laugh?
oh wellszx.
someone reminded me of the Rubber Band Theory, only he told me the story in a slightly different way. i guess that is the logic, but like what K has always said, 'but logic could never convince a heart.'
and i guess choosing to do the most logical thing isn't simple, and why do i still have to stand so convicted in what i want? 'nothing is impossible, and i'm going to turn the impossible to possible' - it's my turn now.
i'm going to try really really really really really hard, to show that i've changed. why can't my heart die already.....? and if only i can apply such determination to my schoolwork..... groans *
but Lord, i do hope my prayers will be answered. crosses fingers for luck *
kay off. haven't plan my schedule for tomorrow sial! and i just realized that there are a lot of projects that are due soon, and i've no fucking idea what to do.
omg and i realized that it's been damn long since i used the word fuck. !!!!! achievement!
okay okay really, ttfn!
xoxo
please, please.
ps: we could be so much more. i can prove it, if only you'd give me the chance to. such a loser act, but you're what my heart wants, and i've never gone down without a fight. though it's a battle i'm not sure i'll win. not sure at all.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
it's still so hard getting up the courage, and knowing that my pride is already wasted and i've nothing left to offer.
am i still trying/wishing/hoping for the best because i'm too dependent or because i really do love him? maybe it's both, with a little of 'i'm afraid of extreme change'.
been contemplating the whole damn day; to call or not. tossed two of my lucky 5cent coins and i still haven't made up my mind. it's good that i'm holding back, but i want to tell him how i feel. problem is, does he care enough to really want to listen?
am i still trying/wishing/hoping for the best because i'm too dependent or because i really do love him? maybe it's both, with a little of 'i'm afraid of extreme change'.
been contemplating the whole damn day; to call or not. tossed two of my lucky 5cent coins and i still haven't made up my mind. it's good that i'm holding back, but i want to tell him how i feel. problem is, does he care enough to really want to listen?
Monday, August 10, 2009
stop crying your heart out
"i knew that you were trouble but you couldn't resist"
Happy belated National Day's? LOL. eve's pm was 'i said the pledge and sang mari kita!' and i told her 'i forgot to'. -..-
reached home and Adrian called. movie at town, but i really had to just crash on my bed and die for a few hours.
damn i want those super super high heels and i wanna go on a massive shopping spree! plus go club. -..- keep hovering around the 'club, don't club' thing, and most of the time it leans towards 'don't club', cause it's a little dumb plus I'M NOT EIGHTEEN YET so irritating.....
Cobra Starship Ft Leighton Meestor! first time i actually heard her sing, and her voice seems a little different from what i expected, but in a good way.
okay off to watch friends. omg lah i feel so..... annoyed! >=[ and i hate hate hate hate hate asking so many questions. omg this isn't good. Lord, kill my curiosity can? not entirely lah, but kill the part that involves ______? thank You!
xoxo
ps: i don't like being this way..... it isn't me, but why'd it have to be you, damn it?!
Happy belated National Day's? LOL. eve's pm was 'i said the pledge and sang mari kita!' and i told her 'i forgot to'. -..-
reached home and Adrian called. movie at town, but i really had to just crash on my bed and die for a few hours.
damn i want those super super high heels and i wanna go on a massive shopping spree! plus go club. -..- keep hovering around the 'club, don't club' thing, and most of the time it leans towards 'don't club', cause it's a little dumb plus I'M NOT EIGHTEEN YET so irritating.....
Cobra Starship Ft Leighton Meestor! first time i actually heard her sing, and her voice seems a little different from what i expected, but in a good way.
okay off to watch friends. omg lah i feel so..... annoyed! >=[ and i hate hate hate hate hate asking so many questions. omg this isn't good. Lord, kill my curiosity can? not entirely lah, but kill the part that involves ______? thank You!
xoxo
ps: i don't like being this way..... it isn't me, but why'd it have to be you, damn it?!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
relief
stomach hurts like a motherfucking son of a bitch i swear.
i hate people who don't pick up/don't call back/don't reply texts
though i'm one of them.
i hate people who don't pick up/don't call back/don't reply texts
though i'm one of them.
if hearts could speak
headache headache headache headache headache.
back from breakfast, and i'm in Sebas's room while they're outside playing mahjong. should sleep but can't, why's my alchohol tolerance so damnnnnnn low?! and i know i called him just now, while i was half dead. wth was i doing manszx?! leave it leave it. the other party doesn't give a damn either, yknow. leave it leave it.
feel half drunk still, and all i wanna do is curl up into a ball with the comforter and try to get some shut eye, but God, can't close my eyes without .....
think i'm just avoiding stuff, somehow.
avoiding Hougang, avoiding this, avoiding that.
when Mum and Dad sent me to Sebas's place, they drove past A's place. and idk why but tears just made their way down like nobodies business. such a loser eh, and i was damn afraid they'll put me down there for some reason. not to mention the way they kept digging at that whole relationship issue.
Dad asked, 'are you going to meet him? are you guys going to get back together?' and fuck all i could say was 'WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER ALREADY OKAY? WE'RE DONE ALREADY LAH?!' fuck.
wish that day when i could feel better would hurry come. feel so turned off some guys now,i swear. just shut up with your crap lah okay, i'm not ready for anything don't force me. though i feel like such an ass for being like how i am now.
this sucks ballszxzxzxzxzxzx. get out of my heart, you.
and what sucks the most is that he probably doesn't give a damn about me anymore. no more. no more. and gone are the days where it's 'i want nobody nobody but you!', and was doing massages, and i suddenly thought of the time we went for the foot massage together around Joel's place, and we met this fortune teller and blah.
okay shut up, can give me some thing to forget? please? i don't want to remember already. i take back all that bullshit about me reminsicing (sp?) when i'm old. i don't want my memories already.
maybe i'll set a new record of 43 panadols. hehe no that's not a threat. just some random thought. hahahahaha since apparently 42 also won't die.
-..-
i don't think i'm watching 'Up' anymore. didn't want to catch it with anyone but him.
ah shut up bitch stop your sob fest and get over him already. no big deal aye, and i've finally rediscovered my single life hehe kinda enjoying it but still, i do miss his presence in my life.
kay g2g. mahjong time, and my tiles were super good today! haha not super good luh, but really not bad. think what they say about falling out of love and having better luck at gambling is true. wonder how he did in poker though. ><
kay.
xoxo
if my heart had a voice
ps: forget me not, i miss you?????
back from breakfast, and i'm in Sebas's room while they're outside playing mahjong. should sleep but can't, why's my alchohol tolerance so damnnnnnn low?! and i know i called him just now, while i was half dead. wth was i doing manszx?! leave it leave it. the other party doesn't give a damn either, yknow. leave it leave it.
feel half drunk still, and all i wanna do is curl up into a ball with the comforter and try to get some shut eye, but God, can't close my eyes without .....
think i'm just avoiding stuff, somehow.
avoiding Hougang, avoiding this, avoiding that.
when Mum and Dad sent me to Sebas's place, they drove past A's place. and idk why but tears just made their way down like nobodies business. such a loser eh, and i was damn afraid they'll put me down there for some reason. not to mention the way they kept digging at that whole relationship issue.
Dad asked, 'are you going to meet him? are you guys going to get back together?' and fuck all i could say was 'WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER ALREADY OKAY? WE'RE DONE ALREADY LAH?!' fuck.
wish that day when i could feel better would hurry come. feel so turned off some guys now,i swear. just shut up with your crap lah okay, i'm not ready for anything don't force me. though i feel like such an ass for being like how i am now.
this sucks ballszxzxzxzxzxzx. get out of my heart, you.
and what sucks the most is that he probably doesn't give a damn about me anymore. no more. no more. and gone are the days where it's 'i want nobody nobody but you!', and was doing massages, and i suddenly thought of the time we went for the foot massage together around Joel's place, and we met this fortune teller and blah.
okay shut up, can give me some thing to forget? please? i don't want to remember already. i take back all that bullshit about me reminsicing (sp?) when i'm old. i don't want my memories already.
maybe i'll set a new record of 43 panadols. hehe no that's not a threat. just some random thought. hahahahaha since apparently 42 also won't die.
-..-
i don't think i'm watching 'Up' anymore. didn't want to catch it with anyone but him.
ah shut up bitch stop your sob fest and get over him already. no big deal aye, and i've finally rediscovered my single life hehe kinda enjoying it but still, i do miss his presence in my life.
kay g2g. mahjong time, and my tiles were super good today! haha not super good luh, but really not bad. think what they say about falling out of love and having better luck at gambling is true. wonder how he did in poker though. ><
kay.
xoxo
if my heart had a voice
ps: forget me not, i miss you?????
live it.
at Sebas's place with Cyn darling, Kapo, No name tattoo guy who reminds me of Glenn, but ya now we know his name is Akira, Victor/ Dede, Sam, and some people left earlier.
had a massive blowout with my parents, didn't meet Kama and co. but maybe tomorrow for fireworks?
no pictures here, but plenty for Batam, and nice day i had. Choco spa and everything.
kay off to .....
xoxo
and i lost control.
Friday, August 7, 2009
meet you in a bit
"made for eternity"
Johanna says (11:21 PM):
*bdfs
cynthia; says (11:25 PM):
*?
Johanna says (11:26 PM):
*asdanfa
*kasmaniunhdaf
*ques pa?
*jeta luanchomnan ques vespeas
*le latuuei
cynthia; says (11:27 PM):
*=.=
cynthia; says (11:28 PM):
*wedakdhiwh
*jiudybferak
Johanna says (11:28 PM):
*nahsdlfuamsd ;
cynthia; says (11:28 PM):
*hiiyte!
Johanna says (11:28 PM):
*aksdjmiiwkde
cynthia; says (11:28 PM):
*nur aorhadm poenba neihdnblo
Johanna says (11:29 PM):
*sadjisamkm kum kum nahhhsadkoixl;ap
cynthia; says (11:29 PM):
*jaja krerniababcod
Johanna says (11:30 PM):
*akjivkao bingbing
*asfdaoi
Johanna says (11:27 PM):
*vas pax non uliasa mas petite?
٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ♥Sebas. says (11:27 PM):
*ayuma watmat unela
٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ♥Sebas. says (11:28 PM):
*chitote
*nimelo
Johanna says (11:28 PM):
*annao klam
*afdajnfain
yes, they get me entirely. lol!
can't wait for tomorrow!!!!! though it's just a silly trip, but i've been wanting to get off this island since forever, and this is one of the best timings to do it!
so so so so so gonna get massaged to the tip of my toes, and so gonna dye my hair, do my nails, and buy what ever i can/want. just watched 'Confessions of a Shoppaholic', and i'm so inspired to spend more money. lol!
downside of it is that mum and dad will definitely not allow me to wander off on my own, cause supposedly once i'm kidnapped i'm gone. and apparently they like fair skinned pretty girls. HAHAHAHAHA i luv how my parents think the world of me.
wonder if i'll be this blind when it's my turn. or not. choy choy *
anyway, g2g do my skirt. ttfn, TATAFORNOWWWWW! i think i sound drunk -..- NEED A HANGOVERRRRRRR!!!!! LOL. nice movie btw, more on that next time (:
xoxo
edited:
it seems like pretty much every person goes through shit in relationships. there are a million other girls out there who have cried their hearts out for some guy that isn't really worth their time, done silly silly things to make themselves feel better, faked it with a smile, till the day they really made it. cried themselves to sleep over countless of flashbacks to the past. maybe not only girls, but guys too.
but i know it gets better. it surely will. how else do those very same people stand up, lead new lives, fall back into love with very different people, the ones who will take their hearts seriously, and guard it well? how else do they say 'i used to be in love', or 'i had this ex who ....' how else do they look back and laugh? maybe i'm not in that stage where i can say those things, but logic tells me that i will. i can't be hung up on one guy all the time, and there's much more to life than a guy, or a relationship, especially at this age.
and i'm not saying that he wasn't worth my time, nor am i saying he didn't take my heart seriously. i'm just saying, that i know, i'll get over him someday. and i know, it's going to take a lot for me to pull down those walls i built up years ago, that i brought down for him. it's going to take a lot for me to really and truly feel for another guy, as much as i've felt for him. but i will. someday. i know i will.
and someday it's not gonna hurt anymore, someday i'm not gonna think about him, not gonna dream about him, not gonna want to hear his voice, or feel his arms around me. maybe one day i'll just wake up with a smile plastered to my face and go to sleep without any difficulty, eat meals without feeling like i've no apetite, without unpleasant thoughts bombarding my mind like WW1&2 all over again. won't wonder how he's doing or worry about his wellbeing.
and i know i'm getting better cause i sang songs that usually made me cry with a smile on my face! still turned off other guys though.
okay long day tomorrow, and it's just my two cents worth.
Batam > Town w Kama and co. > Sebas's for drinking&mahjong.
oh and waiting for M to come over -..- i realize i have v v v v v little clothing that aren't black or grey. but mostly black.
Breathe
Breathe - Taylor Swift
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But its killing me to see you go after all this time.
Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you dont really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and itll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.
And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.
And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know its not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this aint easy,
Easy for me.
And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Ohhh
I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry
almost entirely what i feel now, 'cause i can't breathe without you, but i have to'.
steamboat with Sebas tomorrow, maybe. i hope Jay's thing goes well, couldn't talk to him much these few days,
and was supposed to meet him today.
and happy advanced birthday ShiRui!!!!!
Saturday, Batam with the parents, i luv them!!!!! massages, mani/pedi, doing my hair, walking around, buying stuff, however pointless they might be.....
hope M and i will be able to meet on Sat night, and on Sunday it's gonna be a day of rest and relaxation. (:
school tomorrow, but wtfuck, headache like i have a bad hangover, and it sucks cause i didn't drink. might as well have though i don't mind the ache. hehe
alright, shall go finish up my skirt, then it's bed time. feels like i'm swimming thru a fog though. or rather, walking.
must remember to bring mum's camera there, and i actually thought Batam was in Thailand! stupid shit me, till Confucious enlightened me -..-
okay, off.
xoxo
and sometimes we change our minds
ps: but i will. someday.
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But its killing me to see you go after all this time.
Music starts playin like the end of a sad movie,
Its the kinda ending you dont really wanna see.
Cause its tragedy and itll only bring you down,
Now I dont know what to be without you around.
And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesnt work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.
And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
Youre the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Its two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know its not easy,
Easy for me.
Its two a.m.
Feelin like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this aint easy,
Easy for me.
And we know its never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Ohhh
I cant,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry
almost entirely what i feel now, 'cause i can't breathe without you, but i have to'.
steamboat with Sebas tomorrow, maybe. i hope Jay's thing goes well, couldn't talk to him much these few days,
and was supposed to meet him today.
and happy advanced birthday ShiRui!!!!!
Saturday, Batam with the parents, i luv them!!!!! massages, mani/pedi, doing my hair, walking around, buying stuff, however pointless they might be.....
hope M and i will be able to meet on Sat night, and on Sunday it's gonna be a day of rest and relaxation. (:
school tomorrow, but wtfuck, headache like i have a bad hangover, and it sucks cause i didn't drink. might as well have though i don't mind the ache. hehe
alright, shall go finish up my skirt, then it's bed time. feels like i'm swimming thru a fog though. or rather, walking.
must remember to bring mum's camera there, and i actually thought Batam was in Thailand! stupid shit me, till Confucious enlightened me -..-
okay, off.
xoxo
and sometimes we change our minds
ps: but i will. someday.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
chant: 'i am happy, i am happy, i am happy, i am happy, i am happy.'
i wonder if there's a reason why they say 'for good'. when it ends.
me don't want, and i want nobody nobody but you! clapclap*
okay shut up.
doing my skirt, and shall continue chatting on msn while watching bride wars.
i luv my friends ttm. (:
xoxo
to the one after you.
i wonder if there's a reason why they say 'for good'. when it ends.
me don't want, and i want nobody nobody but you! clapclap*
okay shut up.
doing my skirt, and shall continue chatting on msn while watching bride wars.
i luv my friends ttm. (:
xoxo
to the one after you.
i thank God that Bec was around yesterday. been a long time since we last hung out together, just the two of us. talking about stuff, and she came over even though she was sick, just because i needed her.
ate ice-cream, talked about guys, mostly. she fell asleep first, then i went to join her and we were both damn cramped on my single bed. i luv you, four blocks away.
been at least two weeks since i cried like that. a part of me thought i was over him, and another part knew that i wasn't.
then Bec told me, 'if you love that person, let him/her fly free.' okay, it does sound cliche and corny, but i agree, and i guess i was just being selfish by holding back, and not letting go. cause in more ways then one he was a good friend, mine, and a boyfriend, and i think i couldn't lose that.
it's gonna be so hard, resisting the urge to call or text.
fell back into that hole with all the shit that happened, and i wish to God that it didn't happen, and it's not happening right now.
took too long for me to change, and it's too late now. so so many things i regret doing, and i used to say i don't regret anything i've done. but looking back now, i do. always thinking he'll like other girls though they're just friends, thinking too much, doing things that he didn't like, from last time till now, like not going to school, texting with guy friends, interfering with other peoples affairs, doing silly things whenever i'm sad, smoking, etc.
swear i'm not doing any of those, except for the school part (at home today). but what am i trying to prove huh?
making mistakes all the way, should've known that no one can take that much of 'em.
my next boyfriend will be the one who enjoys everything. and i hope he'll love me wholeheartedly. like what the others have been telling me repeatedly.
don't miss him now, but i think i miss the him in the past, the one from my memories. like when we hug and all, that's the guy i miss, but a part of me misses him now now now now now. okay i sound weird and stuff like that.
need to sleep badly, been having sleepless nights idk why, and i can't sleep now though i'm dog tired. and have no energy to do anything, plus on and off stomachaches, and of course headaches as usual. just feel like sleeping and locking myself away till i feel better both physically and mentally.
i'm sorry if i don't reply or what, and please feel honored if i talk to you okay.
anyway. yeah. next guy, whoever you are, i'll treasure you. and treat you good!so you better treat me good too. -..-
okay severe lack of sleep.
xoxo
ps: DG, PLAAIBTASD.IGUE,AA. PM,PLHRTHLMAMA, PLHMMB, APLMBTKTHFWA. IJPNWPA.iwaimoatst, pjdltpoudo?
please. thank You.
ate ice-cream, talked about guys, mostly. she fell asleep first, then i went to join her and we were both damn cramped on my single bed. i luv you, four blocks away.
been at least two weeks since i cried like that. a part of me thought i was over him, and another part knew that i wasn't.
then Bec told me, 'if you love that person, let him/her fly free.' okay, it does sound cliche and corny, but i agree, and i guess i was just being selfish by holding back, and not letting go. cause in more ways then one he was a good friend, mine, and a boyfriend, and i think i couldn't lose that.
it's gonna be so hard, resisting the urge to call or text.
fell back into that hole with all the shit that happened, and i wish to God that it didn't happen, and it's not happening right now.
took too long for me to change, and it's too late now. so so many things i regret doing, and i used to say i don't regret anything i've done. but looking back now, i do. always thinking he'll like other girls though they're just friends, thinking too much, doing things that he didn't like, from last time till now, like not going to school, texting with guy friends, interfering with other peoples affairs, doing silly things whenever i'm sad, smoking, etc.
swear i'm not doing any of those, except for the school part (at home today). but what am i trying to prove huh?
making mistakes all the way, should've known that no one can take that much of 'em.
my next boyfriend will be the one who enjoys everything. and i hope he'll love me wholeheartedly. like what the others have been telling me repeatedly.
don't miss him now, but i think i miss the him in the past, the one from my memories. like when we hug and all, that's the guy i miss, but a part of me misses him now now now now now. okay i sound weird and stuff like that.
need to sleep badly, been having sleepless nights idk why, and i can't sleep now though i'm dog tired. and have no energy to do anything, plus on and off stomachaches, and of course headaches as usual. just feel like sleeping and locking myself away till i feel better both physically and mentally.
i'm sorry if i don't reply or what, and please feel honored if i talk to you okay.
anyway. yeah. next guy, whoever you are, i'll treasure you. and treat you good!so you better treat me good too. -..-
okay severe lack of sleep.
xoxo
ps: DG, PLAAIBTASD.IGUE,AA. PM,PLHRTHLMAMA, PLHMMB, APLMBTKTHFWA. IJPNWPA.iwaimoatst, pjdltpoudo?
please. thank You.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take you breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weight out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Does someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
why's.it.so.hard.....?
cringing from every word, accept it bitch.
you don't deserve any more chances.
you're in ruins.
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take you breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weight out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Does someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I
why's.it.so.hard.....?
cringing from every word, accept it bitch.
you don't deserve any more chances.
you're in ruins.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
steady your hands
"bringing it all back to you."
loads of photos, and i've been editing them all the way.
got to get a proper camera, my phone just can't make it! flash too bright making me look noseless and faceless, so i've decided to just go all the way with some. hehe
oh ya and some parts are censored for your own good. (:
events not in order:
a photo from that meetup with K, the only one of her.
some day from don't know when, and my whole face looks so damn swollen!
shawn, the dweepy runaway kid; from that night at H.Plaza.
Yilin's chalet, with Justin my Bitch! half of his face only, but the other one CMI. we should meet up soon! and i've no idea why only my face caught the flash, making it damn white.
some random changing room. I WANNA SHOP! ):
anyway, photos from yesterday!
now i know why Bec was so crazy over it! it's darn good luh!
and i know he'll kill me for posting this.
void deck near that free chinese medicine clinic that Mingkang and i went to ages ago.
the glove animal i made! cute right!!!!! brought it out to see the world. okayyyyy more like Kovan and all, but still, it's made with Luvvvvvvvvvvv!
okay that's all! there're some more, but i think i'm too lazyyyyyyyy to edit. and i hate the way unedited photos look, cause it's only taken by a lousy handphone camera with an overbright flash.
i wanna steal my mum's digital camera! pinkkkkkkkk. ): and wait till i can afford my DSLR. which i think might be ten years down the road. LOL
oh yeah, so M'sia, supposedly. and well my parents woke up later then me and i got in at 6 am. -..- so look where i got my swine syndrome from? hehe.
school tomorrow, what a dragggggggggg. but the plus point of tomorrow is that i'll get to see Cynthia! provided she feels well enough, so fingers crossed! movie plus window shopping [ ):] and lots of cam-whoring.
we're totally in tune with each other sometimes, so much that it's scary. shan't elaborate here, but it's really freaky, the stuff that happened so far. anyway, luvvvvv you to bits darling, so see you tomorrrrrowwwww don't dua me! ):
oh yeah, i've been asking for a dog for the past few days, cause my neighbours got one! a little maltese puppy that looks so damn cute! makes me want one tooooooo. and my parents don't wanna get one. ): shall go on whining about it and see what happens. HAHA.
and i've got my eye on this Chanel bag, that's utterly pretttttyyyyyy. but can't afford it now, since my allowance is so crazily balanced. can't start to save for one either, but i luvvv luv luvvv it.....
Dad came into the room already, and he's going on about how i have to sleep cause there's school tomorrow, and blablablablabla. got.to.wake.up.in.time.no.more.skipping!!!!!
okay gtg bb luvs!
xoxo
if you meant what you said
ps: i'm really happy that you've said that you'll try to work things out, and i hope they do. @:
loads of photos, and i've been editing them all the way.
got to get a proper camera, my phone just can't make it! flash too bright making me look noseless and faceless, so i've decided to just go all the way with some. hehe
oh ya and some parts are censored for your own good. (:
events not in order:
a photo from that meetup with K, the only one of her.
some day from don't know when, and my whole face looks so damn swollen!
shawn, the dweepy runaway kid; from that night at H.Plaza.
Yilin's chalet, with Justin my Bitch! half of his face only, but the other one CMI. we should meet up soon! and i've no idea why only my face caught the flash, making it damn white.
some random changing room. I WANNA SHOP! ):
anyway, photos from yesterday!
now i know why Bec was so crazy over it! it's darn good luh!
and i know he'll kill me for posting this.
void deck near that free chinese medicine clinic that Mingkang and i went to ages ago.
the glove animal i made! cute right!!!!! brought it out to see the world. okayyyyy more like Kovan and all, but still, it's made with Luvvvvvvvvvvv!
okay that's all! there're some more, but i think i'm too lazyyyyyyyy to edit. and i hate the way unedited photos look, cause it's only taken by a lousy handphone camera with an overbright flash.
i wanna steal my mum's digital camera! pinkkkkkkkk. ): and wait till i can afford my DSLR. which i think might be ten years down the road. LOL
oh yeah, so M'sia, supposedly. and well my parents woke up later then me and i got in at 6 am. -..- so look where i got my swine syndrome from? hehe.
school tomorrow, what a dragggggggggg. but the plus point of tomorrow is that i'll get to see Cynthia! provided she feels well enough, so fingers crossed! movie plus window shopping [ ):] and lots of cam-whoring.
we're totally in tune with each other sometimes, so much that it's scary. shan't elaborate here, but it's really freaky, the stuff that happened so far. anyway, luvvvvv you to bits darling, so see you tomorrrrrowwwww don't dua me! ):
oh yeah, i've been asking for a dog for the past few days, cause my neighbours got one! a little maltese puppy that looks so damn cute! makes me want one tooooooo. and my parents don't wanna get one. ): shall go on whining about it and see what happens. HAHA.
and i've got my eye on this Chanel bag, that's utterly pretttttyyyyyy. but can't afford it now, since my allowance is so crazily balanced. can't start to save for one either, but i luvvv luv luvvv it.....
Dad came into the room already, and he's going on about how i have to sleep cause there's school tomorrow, and blablablablabla. got.to.wake.up.in.time.no.more.skipping!!!!!
okay gtg bb luvs!
xoxo
if you meant what you said
ps: i'm really happy that you've said that you'll try to work things out, and i hope they do. @:
Sunday, August 2, 2009
holding it close
"Some things in Life are too Precious to hold."
back from R.plaza/Kovan slacking with Binghui, we must have walked a million miles today.
R.plaza for random Mac > Superbowl for pool > indian stall for Bh's prata > Treasure hunt around Kovan > Midnight Curry for me > Home.
talked a lot, about his stuff, about mine. and i suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe. i'm over him. lol! love him still, though. but over the whole thing. idk if i really am though, or it's just a sudden feeling.
anyway, Sebas called halfway > Boatquay with Damian and Kerwin, but since Bh didn't want to, we didn't after all. Sebas knows me too well, with the 'you tell me confirm later means don't have already lah!',cause i realized i forgot to call him back around two hours later.
oh and he's on msn now and he says that he's damn drunk, and that it's a good thing i didn't go.
٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ♥Sebas. says (7:46 AM):
*one
*fuck and throw
*aaaaaahhh
*i love you mei
*alot
*<#33
and i'll probably regret this, but i shall post this here, and make him happy.
Johanna says (7:47 AM):
*ah i love you too <3
(:
m'sia maybe, if my parents don't suddenly tell me we're not going.
kay goodnight for a bit. photos up soon. realized i have quite few in my phone. alrighttttt
xoxo
blank.
ps: the L word i'll still use. and you're one of them. imy and i don't.
back from R.plaza/Kovan slacking with Binghui, we must have walked a million miles today.
R.plaza for random Mac > Superbowl for pool > indian stall for Bh's prata > Treasure hunt around Kovan > Midnight Curry for me > Home.
talked a lot, about his stuff, about mine. and i suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe. i'm over him. lol! love him still, though. but over the whole thing. idk if i really am though, or it's just a sudden feeling.
anyway, Sebas called halfway > Boatquay with Damian and Kerwin, but since Bh didn't want to, we didn't after all. Sebas knows me too well, with the 'you tell me confirm later means don't have already lah!',cause i realized i forgot to call him back around two hours later.
oh and he's on msn now and he says that he's damn drunk, and that it's a good thing i didn't go.
٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ♥Sebas. says (7:46 AM):
*one
*fuck and throw
*aaaaaahhh
*i love you mei
*alot
*<#33
and i'll probably regret this, but i shall post this here, and make him happy.
Johanna says (7:47 AM):
*ah i love you too <3
(:
m'sia maybe, if my parents don't suddenly tell me we're not going.
kay goodnight for a bit. photos up soon. realized i have quite few in my phone. alrighttttt
xoxo
blank.
ps: the L word i'll still use. and you're one of them. imy and i don't.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
somethings we don't talk about/ rather do without
i'd give anything, almost anything to get what we had back. but it takes two hands to clap, and two hearts to be willing.
if he isn't, no matter how much i do won't turn back anything, won't change things in the littlest bit. if his heart doesn't feel that way anymore, there isn't anything i can do. no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much i wish things were otherwise.
part and parcel of relationships at this age i guess. pretty much of it amounts all to nothing, save for those few precious ones who do make something out of their relationship.
and although i didn't expect us to last as long as we did, though to many it doesn't seem like it's much. but still, nine months filled with ups and downs, changes for the good and for the bad, growing up, and many many memories.
and i know that i'll still remember everything, or remember what i can, at least.
cause i'm sentimental like that.
xoxo
ps: and i'll remember you. (: more than who you were, and more for what you meant to me,
cause you did mean almost the world.
if he isn't, no matter how much i do won't turn back anything, won't change things in the littlest bit. if his heart doesn't feel that way anymore, there isn't anything i can do. no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much i wish things were otherwise.
part and parcel of relationships at this age i guess. pretty much of it amounts all to nothing, save for those few precious ones who do make something out of their relationship.
and although i didn't expect us to last as long as we did, though to many it doesn't seem like it's much. but still, nine months filled with ups and downs, changes for the good and for the bad, growing up, and many many memories.
and i know that i'll still remember everything, or remember what i can, at least.
cause i'm sentimental like that.
xoxo
ps: and i'll remember you. (: more than who you were, and more for what you meant to me,
cause you did mean almost the world.
don't lie to me
thought things over.
been in a good mood, and it's kind of unsettling, since i thought i'd be in that 'depressed' mood longer than i thought i would be, but somehow i'm not.
wow, my recovery skills are better then/than i thought they were!
and somehow i feel like i've changed? like my thinking is different in some ways, or maybe i'm just not really caring as much. -..- i really don't know. shall wait and see about what my heart tells me, or rather, lets me feel.
and i feel so fucking ridiculous and pathetic when i think about ..... omg lah wtfh?! like what made me think that and what made me actually type that down..... >< wish i could take it back somehow.
oh ya! and like i don't even have that urge to see him though i know he's out and about now. okay though i bet he doesn't want to see me. oh well lol!
maybe i've really changed. hmmmm. food for thought hahahahahaha damn i'm high. and to think i was crying to sleep a few nights before, hope this good mood keeps up!
anyway, feeling quite sleepy, so shall head off to bed; huge shopping trip tomorrow over the causeway, so..... yeahhhhhhhh cool.
goodnight lovers.
XOXO
like you'll never see me again
ps: still, somehow.
been in a good mood, and it's kind of unsettling, since i thought i'd be in that 'depressed' mood longer than i thought i would be, but somehow i'm not.
wow, my recovery skills are better then/than i thought they were!
and somehow i feel like i've changed? like my thinking is different in some ways, or maybe i'm just not really caring as much. -..- i really don't know. shall wait and see about what my heart tells me, or rather, lets me feel.
and i feel so fucking ridiculous and pathetic when i think about ..... omg lah wtfh?! like what made me think that and what made me actually type that down..... >< wish i could take it back somehow.
oh ya! and like i don't even have that urge to see him though i know he's out and about now. okay though i bet he doesn't want to see me. oh well lol!
maybe i've really changed. hmmmm. food for thought hahahahahaha damn i'm high. and to think i was crying to sleep a few nights before, hope this good mood keeps up!
anyway, feeling quite sleepy, so shall head off to bed; huge shopping trip tomorrow over the causeway, so..... yeahhhhhhhh cool.
goodnight lovers.
XOXO
like you'll never see me again
ps: still, somehow.
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