i want you back so bad.....


edited:

nights like these. grew too used to having someone beside you. and it's over. just when you think you're going to be fine it hits you smack in the face. it's over. and it hurts so bad you can't think can't do anything but be helpless . wake up bitch wake up. be strong God damnit. you don't can't won't want this. you shouldn't be this way . you promised.

listening to songs. GOD. i'm sorry, i'm sorry. pathetic fucked up fool. i don't know what hurts more. fuck it . just. fuck it.

i'm sorry i'm sorry. out of control frenzy fighting for that last bit of control thoughts whirling spiralling out of proportions going to the last happy times and looking now. saying looking back you'll laugh at it but i don't want to live through the times when i'm not. first hand. first fucking hand. to know that you were thinking all those and you were trying to change for reasons you thought were correct. i.....

wondering if it hurts the same way. asking wondering. shaking desperate for some escape. i don't wna be alone in this. it's .....

this is retribution. and to know that the fault is none but my own. i.....

and it trails off like that. how can people get over this. to know it's going to be fine some day. to know you've said the exact same words to someone saying it back to you now. to know how fucking bullshitty it sounds like cause it fucking doesn't help and things are easier said then done. all those other supposedly words of consolation they can't mean a thing anymore. not when it's hurting so fucking deep. near hysterics and words can't describe that kind of afraid feeling that's going through. that 'i don't wna go through this anymore'. and i really.....

God.....

how many tissue boxes will it be before..... to look back and remember without wincing. without feeling that lump gathering in your throat.

i.....

don't wna be alone now.

God.....